Don Kowalewski
Writer. Ad Sales and Marketing. Social Media Content Creator. Aeropress Coffee. Makes the best salsa in the world.
A New Thing Every Day
I bought a book about a year ago – Achieve Anything in Just One Year: Be Inspired Daily to Live Your Dreams and Accomplish Your Goals. I read the first 12 chapters and then put it down. Just add me to that statistic that only a small percentage of people actually follow all the way through with any sort of self-help, weight-loss, or Ponzi scheme or program.
It’s time to pick it up again.
If I remember the basic premise, it’s going to take me a full 365 days to read it. The author (Jason Harvey) asks that you only read one chapter each day and do the assignment. That’s it.
Well, you ask, what good is that? Actually, it’s more than “good” …it’s great! It’s brilliant. And I hope I’m remembering it right. But think about it …we all make big proclamations and grand announcements about what we’re going to change and how we’re going to get better and we often do it on January 1st and make a big spectacle about it. This exercise is more self-serving than it is self-bettering (if “self bettering” is a phrase …and if it isn’t, I’m going to trademark it).
Think about it. What if you just changed one thing about yourself each day? And does it really matter when you start? In 365 days, you’d have changed 365 things about yourself. Whoa! When you look at it that way, that’s life-changing. The book, for the record, doesn’t actually suggest you “change” something every day. It’s about “taking action” every day.
Now think about this. Imagine if you were an A+ student and read the book and said, “I’m going to apply this to my work life and home life.” If you read this book and take action at work and at home, now you’re going to take over 700 actions to improve your life and “achieve anything.”
Again … whoa! But I’m a go-getter. I’m going to apply it to (a) my work life, (b) my personal life as it relates to my family, home, and friends, and (c) my new life.
What’s my “new life?” It’s not as drastic as you think …I’m not talking about becoming Batman or quitting my job and buying a boat in Key West and beginning a life as a snorkel instructor. I define (or, that is, I’m working on defining) my “new life” as the life I’m going to have where I perfectly balance my career, my family, and my hobbies and dreams while simultaneously learning how to sleep well at night, eat right, lose my beer-gut, and add years to my life. It’s part physical health and part mental-health.
I stared this little “achieve anything” concept on Monday. Anyone notice anything (other than the two straight days of new pants)? Stick around. Keep watching. You just might see something amazing and I hope to watch you do something amazing, too.
Follow me at @donkowalewski if you want to know what I’m doing every day.
Vacation Lessons
I’m fresh back from my annual week-long vacation in “Up North” Michigan where I rent a cabin with my family on Torch Lake. I’ve been renting this same cabin for, by my calculations, 13 consecutive years. I’m pretty sure I started vacationing on Torch Lake when I was six years old, and save for a few summers in the mid-90s, I’m pretty sure I just spent, what could be, my 30th or 31st summer vacationing on Torch Lake.
I still haven’t won the lottery, started a multi-million-dollar company, or figured out some other way to buy a place on Torch Lake, but that’s OK …I love my week, once a year.
My vacations on Torch have filled my brain with countless special memories and have given me some of the best moments of my life. I’ve dragged a (very) pregnant wife up to Torch, twice. I’ve vacationed with a newborn. My cousin Scott became my best-friend up there. I learned to drive a boat. I’ve run from the northern tip of Torch to the southern tip with my brother. I discovered Billy Joel on the radio up there. I learned to water ski. I’ve vacationed with friends, all my cousins, all my aunts and uncles, my brother and sister, and my father and mother. My mother’s ashes have been sprinkled onto Torch Lake. A few times this past week, I swear I could’ve closed my eyes and opened them and seen her sitting in a folding chair in the shade of the birch trees, reading a book, with a drink next to her, held up by one of those tulip topped spikes that you stick in the ground next to your beach chair.
The list could go on and on.
However, there’ll be plenty of opportunities to be melancholy and reflective. Right now, I want to quick share the big lessons I took away from vacation, this year.
1. Last year’s vacation sucked, because I hated the job I had at that time.
2. “Regret” happens and it sucks. I don’t “regret” anything this year, but last year I spent the whole week regretting things. Last year, I was deeply regretting leaving my previous career and job. it consumed me. But luckily, sitting alone and looking at the waters of Torch Lake in 2013 allowed me to make a plan. Maybe my mom’s spirit was speaking to me in 2013 and was telling me to do all the things I was thinking might make my situation better and she couldn’t wait to see me back in 2014. (yes, I truly believe I feel her spirit when I’m on the shores of Torch).
3. If you can have one crazy idea, you can have another. Last year, while at Torch, I got the crazy idea that I’d try and get hired back into radio and into the same company I had left in early 2013.
4. I sleep really, really great on vacation. Is it because I’m not staring at a glowing computer screen and because I watch minimal TV and my bio-rhythms start to function normally?
5. It’s never too late and you’re never (well, rarely) in a situation so bad you can’t fix it.
6. The water in Michigan’s big lakes is still really, really, cold.
7. I have a great wife.
8. My kids still think I’m pretty cool and they like me.
9. Every day I can spend with my family, and every year I can vacation with them, is truly a gift.
10. I can conquer the world (or at least my small part of it).
11. The waters of Torch Lake have healing properties. I healed a cold within 48 hours and without medicine.
12. I”m happy.
So, there you have it. On this night, the first night back from vacation on the eve of going back to work tomorrow, I’m happy and feel like I can do and handle anything.
Uncluttering
Every now and then, a guy like me, Mr. Inbox Zero, suddenly wakes up to find he has way too much going on and too much clutter in his life. And that “clutter” can be on my desk, in my car, in my bedroom, my garage, my yard, but most of all, in my head.
Clutter creeps up on you, little by little, and you don’t realize what’s happening until it’s too late. Keeping on top of it, daily, and making the effort, daily, is really the only way to manage it …but who does that?
Next thing you know you wake up and the trunk of your car has so much stuff in it, it looks like you’re packed for vacation, your garage has so many bikes and toys laying around, you can’t pull your car in there, you can’t see your countertop in your kitchen, and your to-do list at work looks like something you’re laying out to finish before the end of the year, and not the end of the day.
Here’s what I’m doing. Attacking the clutter as if it were my job. Why? Because when you think about it, it is my job. If I keep my sanity, and keep control, my performance in all aspects of life will improve.
Seems silly, but I’m going to start “un-subscribing” from the dozens of emails I’ve opted in to receive. I’m going to take 15-minutes each Thursday, on the eve of trash day, and just get rid of stuff in my garage and on the shelves I haven’t looked at or thought about in more than a year. Then I’ll do the same with my bookshelf.
When you have clutter, you can’t help but have a cluttered mind and it leads to stress, anxiety, and worry. Your brain can only hold about 7 or 8 things in it at a time, and it performs best when you’re limiting it to 2 or 3 things and not trying to multi-task.
Multi-tasking, by the way, is a myth. You can’t actually multi-task in your mind and you can barely do it with trivial tasks. Seriously, try cooking while talking on the phone. Tell me if at some point you don’t ask the person you’re speaking with to repeat what they just said or if your meal doesn’t come out too salty because you added salt twice.
So, today …while doing my daily tasks, I’m going to ask myself a few questions with everything I touch. Is this clutter? Do I need it, now? Will I need it, ever? And if I throw it away, will I miss it and not be able to ever get it back should I someday be asked for it? Heck, and even if it is irreplaceable, I’m going to consider taking a picture or scanning whatever it is.
It goes back to the simple “touch everything only once” philosophy. Either file it, act on it, or throw it away. Don’t move it from one spot on your desk to another. Same with household clutter. Pick it up and put it away or throw it away. No other option. Like my Mom used to say …when you see something out of place, put it away. Because the next time you see it, it won’t look so out of place. The third time you see it, it belongs there.
Good luck. Tomorrow I’ll revisit my Mid-Year Resolutions.
Follow me at @donkowalewski.
The Cold Call
Part of my job is the “cold call.” The idea of cold-calling, for many (including me), can sometimes create anxiety and fear and nervousness. We consult our cold-call tactics and techniques. We lock ourselves in a small conference room and pull the shades down. We pick up the phone as if our life depends on the next 30-seconds and it’s do or die. Either I call, establish a rapport, charm this person, ask for and appointment on such and such a day at such and such a time “if that works for them.” We’ll drive into work saying, “today is the day I’m going to make cold calls” and then we get to the office and start doing anything and everything that seems more important just to avoid that uncomfortable feeling of being hung up on, ignored, or being told, “no.”
I’ve read every book (and will read many more) I could find on cold-calling and selling and overcoming objections and it’s all useful. I’ve sat through courses and listened to webinars and watched educational videos provided by my companies over the years. I’m still looking for that magic formula that will allow me to pick up the phone, get an appointment every time, go to that appointment and show someone great ideas, and walk away with a handshake and signed agreement.
I’ll look for the rest of my life and I’m pretty sure that won’t happen.
I’m also pretty sure the “cold call” will always be what it is. Cold. Dangerous. Intrusive. And the person on the receiving end of a cold call will never actually want your call. Maybe someday they’ll want to talk to you, but not on a random Tuesday, out of the blue, when they were about to do something on their own to-do list so they can get out of work and get home and to a childs little league game.
I also don’t think business owners and decision makers take courses and read books on “how-to squash the cold-caller.” I’ve just searched Amazon …they don’t have a book for business owners on the subject. The business-owner/decision-maker is just as uncomfortable with the cold-call as the person making the cold-call.
So… the thought for today. Why not just refer to it as a “phone call.” Nothing more. Do we have to make such a big deal out of it? I have a thing or do a thing that might be something you need done or need to do. Let’s just talk about it. If someone called me today and said, “we want to sell you a lawn service for the year,” …I’d say ‘no’ I’m not interested. But if they said, “can I come to your house today and mow your lawn?” …I’d actually say ‘yes’. See, I like mowing my lawn for many reasons. I just do. Call me crazy. But this week has been busy, and it’s rained, and if someone could get to my house today and mow it, I’d happily pay.
See? I’m not never (double negative) going to say ‘yes’, but it depends on my mood and when you call.
Just call. See what happens. It might just be that simple.
Follow me @donkowalewski.
I Love Don Week, Day 5-6
This has been an eventful week, mainly because I have a whole new group of people who are now aware of “I Love Don Week.” And ya know what, I think some of them like it. Some of them think it’s the most ego-maniacal thing anyone has ever done …ever. But other people “get it.”
Did I mention previously that a generous guy I know, we’ll call him J.L., gave me tickets to Fall Out Boy on Monday. VIP seats and free parking, even. And I invited my sister at the last minute and she was able to make it, so spending an evening with my sister was a bonus gift. That was Day 4, but it happened after I had already posted and blogged my list.
Welcome, A.H., G.P., and S.A. to “I Love Don Week”. Gifts are optional, but highly encouraged. For the record, G.P. is baking something awesome for me, this evening, so she has a real shot at winning Rookie of the Year … Breakthrough Artist or something like that.
Tomorrow is the big day, but we’ll talk quick about the awesomness of “I Love Don Week” Day 5 & 6.
I’m stylin’, thanks to my wife. I got two more of those awesome Express dress shirts. I forgot to take pictures, but I will, soon. One is green and grey plaid, and the other is red and grey plaid with thing striping.
Today, I got a U.S. Soccer t-shirt …it wasn’t a jersey like I asked for, but it’s kinda better.
And everyone at work, I think, is pretty excited about it being my birthday, tomorrow.
What else, what else? Oh, yes …my Dad and Grandma Sally stopped by and gave me Maui coffee and a card with money (yes, I’m 41 and my Dad still puts money in a card for me and ya know what …it’s awesome). Funny story …he gives me money in a card, now, because many years ago my Dad took me shopping on my birthday and because I’m me, I headed straight to Nordstrom Rack and went crazy …like “Pretty Woman” crazy buying stuff and when I went to check-out, the lady at the register rang everything and then my Dad pulled out his wallet and paid for everything and the cash register lady raised her eyebrows and “smiled knowingly” and then we were like, oh, wait …I’m his son …he’s my Dad. Wipe that smile off your face.”
So …now, I get a card with money and I know exactly what I’m going to do with it. Head straight to Sur La Table at Somerset and buy some awesome grill stuff.
Bam.
Tomorrow is going to be awesome. My Facebook page is going to fill up with birthday wishes, I have a date-night planned with my wife, and who knows what else is gonna happen. I’m excited.
Thanks to everyone who’s made this a great birthday week and remember, because my birthday falls on a Friday, I’m extending the gift-giving window through Sunday. You still have time.
Hope you’ll enjoy my birthday as much as I’m going to.
Follow me at @donkowalewski.
Oh, and here’s the awesome video I shot at the FOB show. I’ll consider my blog a complete success if someone from Fall Out Boy’s camp asks me to take these videos down.
Paramore opened for FOB.
Pete Wentz gave me good advice.
Pete Wentz walks by me right after he did a number from a stage in the middle of the crowd.
Fall Out Boy’s songs know what I did in the dark.
And that’s it.
“I Love Don Week” Day 4: The List
Real quick …Day 4 got off to a great start with 3 pairs of underwear. Wait, wait, wait …I won’t be talking about my undergarments, I’m just sayin’ …I needed new underwear and got new underwear. For those following along, my “I Love Don Week” has been highlighted with a dress shirt, cheese dip, coffee beans, and underwear.
“I Love Don Week” isn’t glamorous and your gifts for me don’t have to be extravagant.
Today is Day 4 of “I Love Don Week.” You still have 2 shopping days and because I got a late start and my birthday is on a Friday this year, I’ll extend the window in which I’ll accept gifts through Sunday, July 13th.
Stumped for what to get me? Here’s this years list …
- Men’s Skechers GOWalk2 slip-ons. I’m 41. My back hurts almost anytime I move from a crouching or sitting position to a standing position. I need slip-ons. My exercise has truly become “walking” and I’m not ashamed of that (or my everexpanding forehead). Oh, but if you know of a better brand of slip-on walking shoes, be my guest and buy me those.
- Himalayan Salt Block. I got one last year from my bro and sis, and I think I didn’t care for it properly, so it cracked in half. I still use it …I use the pieces OFTEN, actually …but I’d love a new one and would take care of it even better due to the lessons I’ve learned.
- Black shorts (I don’t own a pair …I know …crazy, right?)
- Chazzano Coffee beans
- Haggar dress pants (khaki) …I have this great pair (don’t laugh …Haggar ain’t all bad) and I need more
- White, collared, USA soccer jersey
- A new pillow (I bought two cheap pillows in the last year and both are flat as pancakes …I need a nice one)
- Blazer (aka “sportcoat”) …dudes don’t wear suits as often …I have a gray blazer …I could use a classic blue blazer …like the one from J. Crew shown below.
- Barnes & Noble gift cars and iTunes cards are always nice
- Small shop-vac for cleaning the cars (the wife hates when I drag our Dyson out into the driveway)
- Large golf umbrella
- New brown dress shoes (though, I supposed I could just get my current pair re-souled)
- “Cycle of Lies” …a book about Lance Armstrong
OK. The list could go on and on. I’ll stop there (unless you demand more ideas). Thanks for all those who’ve helped make “I Love Don Week” a great week, so far.
Follow me @donkowalewski.
I Love Don Week, Day 1-3
Can you believe it’s already Day #3 of “I Love Don Week” and I haven’t posted an obnoxious blog post listing all the things on my wish-list for my birthday? Luckily, for some strange reason, my family plays along with the “I Love Don Week” concept and I’ve gotten gifts every day, starting on July 5th.
Real quick for the new blog readers …”I Love Don Week” is the run-up to my birthday, which is July 11th (if you want to put it on your calendar). For the week leading up to my birthday I get gifts and stuff every day. It’s a celebration of all things “Don.”
This year I turn 41.
I kicked things off by changing my “look” and getting a new haircut (see previous post and picture top/left). Whether I was pulling off the look I thought I was or not, I had been trying to cultivate the Brian-Williams-Tom- Brokaw -Peter-Jennings news anchor hair and with the ever expanding forehead, and thinning hair, it just wasn’t happening. So I am kicking off the 42nd year of my life with a short and neat haircut. Four days into this ‘do, and I really, really like it.
Now, onto the recap and plans for the rest of “I Love Don Week”.
Day 1 of “I Love Don Week” was the haircut (a gift to myself) and then a pound of coffee beans from a Grand Rapids roaster, ordered by my wife and delivered by my sister-in-law M.B. and her family. I enjoyed it all long-weekend long. It’s smooth …at least it was smooth Up North using well water. The flavor was distinctly different this morning back using city water. I love the subtle differences the water can have on the flavor of coffee. Oh, and my wife bought a big tub of Win Shuler’s cheese spread. I shouldn’t have this, and don’t have it often, but once a year around my birthday, my wife buys it for me and I make a pig of myself. I dip pretzels in it. Yum.
Day 2 I received decorative magnets for my cubical at work. We have fabric covered metal walls …so thumbtacks don’t work but magnets do. These are cool and thoughtful and will add a little flair to my desk.
And today …drum roll …another cool, patterned shirt from Express. I hope all the junk food I ate over the weekend will still allow me to fit into this “slim fit” shirt.
But the real gift was a nice, long weekend with my family highlighted by tons of fishing, lots of snacking, watching World Cup soccer, being with my in-laws and my nieces and nephews, fireworks (my own show and then watching a well-funded, highly explosive community fireworks display), mountain biking, and …I can’t believe I’m saying this …hanging out with my dog. I’m really starting to like this dog. Here’s the only thing I wish I could change about this dog. She’s a “flight risk.” Meaning …we can’t ever leave a door ajar without having her on a leash or bring her out in the front yard or a field with us, because she’d put her nose to the ground and be gone. This, I plan to fix.
Wow. This blog entry is jumping all over the place. Let me get to the sappy stuff.
The greatest highlight of all was my 7-year-old saying at bedtime last night that her weekend at Grandma and Grandpa’s was, “her #1 best weekend” she’s ever had up there. And as we made the four-hour drive home yesterday, I was thinking the same thing. I felt rested. I felt energized. I felt ready to take on the world. I was not dreading Monday morning and getting back to work.
That is how you execute a holiday weekend …pack everything imaginable into it …enjoy every minute you can with your loved ones or with whatever task or project and try not to let your mind wander …live in the moment …and then when you get back to work, you can live in those moments and maximize them.
Mindfulness just sorta happened for me this weekend, and I’m better today because of it. And because of the gifts. That helps.
Hope your “I Love Don Week” is going as well as mine. My full gift/wish list will be posted later. Sorry for the delay.
Follow me at @donkowalewski.
Mid Year Resolutions
Readers of this blog know I much prefer Mid-Year Resolutions to New Year Resolutions. Mid-year is like half-time of a football game. You’ve had a chance to look at the year, you see how it’s trying to beat you, so you adjust and come out at halftime and dominate.
No, I don’t want you to tell me how by half-time, some teams are already beaten and outmatched and they don’t have the talent to match-up with their opponent. It’s my metaphor and metaphors don’t have to make total sense. They just have to sound like they make sense.
Last year at this time, 2013 was destroying me. I had a job I was quickly falling out of love with, I laid awake at night in hotel rooms in seedy areas regretting the decision, and thinking about how I was going to fix things. I felt helpless, but like a cornered rat, I was awash in pizza boxes and empty bags of Doritos. But, I vowed at the mid-year mark of 2013 that I would be miserable for one more month, and then I’d take action.
OK, actually , I didn’t consciously make that decision, but that’s what happened. I think on July 1st last year, I still thought would make that new venture work.
Here I am one year later. I have a new job. I love this new job. I work with great people. Having been in a place where I could barely get out of bed each morning, I realize how cool my new job is. It is hard, and there are still sleepless nights when I fret and worry about things at work and about things I can’t control, but I assume most people think about their jobs like that.
So, you ask, what sorta things am I gonna resolve to do when it seems like things are going OK? I’m going to build on what I got going on. Here’s the 8 things on my list…
- Listen to more self-help and motivational audio (I’ve been going with alotta comedy on my daily walks with my dog)
- Eat less calories after dinner – I have this bad habit of being tired and wanting to watch TV, so I eat to stay awake …yes…I do that. I feel shame.
- Get a new haircut to go with my receding hairline and thinning hair. I’m not ever going to be as handsome as Bra
dley Cooper, and I’m not quite as balding as Jude Law (or Matt Lauer for that matter), but I’m going with short hair. - Get-up at 5:00 a.m. every day. I’ve gotten into this bad habit of waking up about that time and even though my body won’t let me fall back asleep, I lay there. Kinda being lazy, kinda hoping I fall back asleep (even though I know sleep at that point, is going to bad sleep). If I feel overtired, I resolve to go to bed earlier rather then try and sleep late.
- Invent a fun, quality hour of something with each of my kids (and possibly my wife …hi, babe!) each week. Driving range? Walk with the dog? An easy chore that will teach them how to do something.
- Finish my script for a TV pilot (if that ship hasn’t sailed… KVT? I know I dropped off the earth…what say you?)
- Start writing again… I have buried myself in my new job, but I’m a better version of myself when I’m creating and writing. I owe some people some clever goodness.
- Pick up the phone and call people. I’m embarrassed. I rely too much on email and texting. Maybe everyone is guilty of this these days, but I’m going to shock people and use vocal communication again.
Imagination is a Wonderful Thing
There’s dust on the furniture on this blog and it smells of spoiled food (I think I left a half-eaten Jimmy John’s sub behind the cabinet …thankfully not a tuna sub). It’s kinda embarrassing because I still consider myself a “blogger”, but if I’m not blogging (blogging = writing), then what am I doing?
See, what they tell you about blogging is that you have to have a focus on a particular topic and then pound it home. So if you’re passionate about motorcycles, blog about motorcycles. If you’re passionate about life-coaching or sales-training, blog about sales training.
This blog has never had “focus.” Sometimes I feel inspired to blog about being a Dad. Sometimes I feel inspired to blog about my lungs and breathing issues. In my mind, I’m ashamed about how random my blog is which, if you think about it, is the ultimate in unhealthy thinking.
I took a comedy writing class once and the first day the instructor tried and tried to drill home a point – your ideas don’t suck. He opened every class by reminding us of that point. He tried to tell us every idea is a thing of beauty and to think how amazing that we, as humans, can “think” and “dream” and come up with stuff out of thin air.
Like right now …I bet you aren’t thinking of a monkey riding and elephant delivering a pizza to your house. It was impossible that you were thinking that 3-seconds ago. But now … you see it in your mind.
It’s called “imagination” and this writing teacher always tried to say it’s the true miracle of being human …that our minds can invent and wander and daydream. He’s right. And I’ve forgotten it over these past 15 years since his class.
I like blogging. I would like 10,000 readers because it would be good for my ego, but then again, on days when I know not a soul read my blog, I’m pretty OK on those days, too, because I feel like I did something. Meaning, I said, “I’m going to blog about my snowblower” and then I did.
Curing cancer this blog is not. But it’s something. And it’s not like every blog out there is changing the world.
If you take away one thing from this blog entry, take this …your ideas don’t suck. If you think blogging is a good idea …do it. If you think re-kindling your love of building model cars is a good idea …do it. If you think picking up the phone and calling and old friend is a good idea …trust me …that’s the best idea of all. Go with your ideas and the daydreams you’re having.
Monkey on an elephant delivering a pizza.
Follow me on Twitter at @donkowalewski.
Things I Think: Big Difference Between Proud and Happy
When it comes to kids and sports, I have strong opinions on things. First, it’s my belief, after 8 years of coaching soccer with 4 different teams, and helping coach baseball for 4 seasons, and having played soccer myself (after genetics dictated I was not cut-out for basketball and after I realized how freegin’ scary it is to stand in the batters box while some kid hurls a hard baseball towards you), I’m of the opinion that kids become coordinated and competitive at very different rates, and you cannot learn anything about a kid’s future in sports before they hit puberty.
This sounds like I’m one of those “everyone gets a trophy” kinda guys, and I am …although I think “trophy” is just a modern day Slurpee. Kids should get Slurpees after every game (or a bag of Doritos and little Gatorade, which is what my team does). That’s the fun part. And if the game itself isn’t fun, we’re all doing something wrong.
So last night I was reminded of something …there’s a difference between “proud of” and “happy for.” This will sound like the worst bragging, but last night my son did the following:
- Caught a pop-fly (if you’ve seen him play, you would know this is a milestone moment)
- He “almost” caught another pop-fly; it hit off his mitt
- He struck out swinging TWICE
- He hit a screaming grounder to second and was thrown out at 1st base by half-a-step
- Due to a shortage of pitchers, he was asked to pitch and walked four batters and allowed one batter to reach base on a single.
You’re probably saying …um …those stats and highlights suck. And, yes, if he was playing for his high-school team or was on scholarship at Michigan State …yes …I’d be pretty sad, right now.
But I’m not sad. I’m happy. Very, very happy. I’m happy because catching the pop-fly and hitting a screaming grounder was, in my mind, nothing short of miraculous. And he was smiling and happy – which is really the best part because it means he’s having fun. And at 9-years-old, if you’re having fun playing a sport, that’s the best thing ever.
I remember baseball was not fun for me when I hit fourth grade because I was scared to death standing in the batter’s box and I couldn’t hit a baseball (to this day, I think hitting a baseball is the hardest thing to do in sports and I’m amazed anyone can do it). Basketball was fun for me until I hit middle school and other kids grew tall (and I did not …thanks, ancestors) and every shot I took was rejected into the stands. Get where I’m going?
Last night, my son had fun. He’s better now than he was last year. So I’m happy. And he’s happy.
Now. Let’s get to the “proud.” I’m proud that my son has made friends on the team – complete strangers 14-days ago. Now they were all cheering him on when he was thrust onto the pitchers mound (I thought he might be OK pitching but I had hoped to get to the park with him on a weekend or two and practice before he saw live action). The catcher, after my son gave up a second walk, came out to the mound and talked to him and my son smiled and laughed. And when my son stood in the batter’s box and struck out twice, he was smiling then, too.
But the real source of pride came with how he handled a less than stellar stat line.
“Dad,” he said “I think I know why I got thrown out at 1st …I looked at the play going on in the field and didn’t run full speed to first and watch the first base coach.”
Yes. That’s tough for kids to understand, but “peaking” might’ve cost him a 1/2-step and safe-at-first.
“Dad,” he said. “I think we need to go to a real baseball field and work on my pitching. I was trying to throw it fast and not aiming.”
Ahem. You see why I’m proud?
“Dad,” he said, “Remember you said we were going to go to a batting cage. I think I need to do that.”
And that, my friends, is the very definition of “happy” versus “proud.” I’ve only mentioned those things in passing to him. I say it like, hey, if you want to practice or work on some things, we could always go to the batting cage or the park. But I’m not the Dad that’s going to say, “let’s go to the batting cage and hit a hundred balls and turn off that iPad.” You can’t make a kid competitive and driven about a thing if he’s not. My Dad used to take me to the park and do suicide wind sprints to make me faster – and I wanted to do it. He only had to mention it once and I did it. And I noticed significant improvement in my speed and endurance. That was just me. My Dad didn’t demand it of me. I’m 99% sure my brother and sister never did wind sprints at the park with my Dad.
Every kid is built and wired differently.
Let’s face it …somewhere in the world, right now, there’s an awkward kid who can’t shoot a basketball, runs like one of his legs is longer than the other and resembles a wounded deer running on ice, and his arms and legs just aren’t ready to do what his brain tells them they should do and how they move. But, mark my words, this kid is going to hit puberty and based on genetics or whatever, this awkward kid is suddenly going to grow 6 inches, gain strength, and will wake up one day able to shoot three pointers, swing a golf club with perfect form, and he’ll run faster than anyone in his grade and he’ll be a sports superstar. Meanwhile, some 10 year old with a “swing coach” or playing soccer in Europe this summer is going to wonder, hey, what’s with that kid? He used to be so awkward.
We get too serious about sports too soon with kids …my opinion.
I”m “happy” because my son loves baseball. Loves watching it. Loves playing it. Loves talking about it. And when he can actually get the bat on the ball in his first year of “kid pitch” with older kids pitching at him, and when he can catch a pop-fly (something he’s never come close to doing), I’m “happy” because he had some real positive moments that made it fun.
I’m “proud” because he handled the good with the bad and summed up the night with, “I need more practice.” My pride stems from his commitment, that he’s willing to work, and he didn’t act like he was playing in the world series last night.
Beaming with pride. Seriously.
I read a great article recently that said there’s six words we should tell our kids after a game and only these six words unless they want anything more. I’ll end with those six words.
“I love to watch you play.”
Thanks for reading.
Don Kowalewski 