Don Kowalewski
Writer. Ad Sales and Marketing. Social Media Content Creator. Aeropress Coffee. Makes the best salsa in the world.
Things I Do: Strike While the Iron’s Hot
I’m not a self-help guru, but I play one in secret, so here’s my advice . . . do you ever have one of those days where you feel like you’ve been shot out of a cannon? Like, you wake up and unlike most days, you don’t feel tired, or anxious, or hungover? Instead of thinking things like, “ugh …coffee” or “why didn’t I go to bed earlier, last night, like when I first started falling asleep watching the Super Bowl post game?” . . . instead you think, “I’m going to make breakfast for my whole family, and do 25 push-ups, and take the stairs at work, and I’m going to tell my wife I love her, and I’m going feed birds.”
You know you’re going to have those days. I don’t think anyone can live in a perpetual state like that. We all find ourselves, on other days, struggling to make it to lunchtime and all we can think about is that giant greasy burger and french fries we’re going to devour, even though we know we shouldn’t, because we know that in those 15 minutes it takes to eat our sack of Five Guys . . . wow, we’re gonna be soooooo happy.
And we ignore the reality that in about an hour after eating that 1/2 pounder, we’re going to be even more miserable.
But there are days …you think, “I could be President of the World if I could just maintain this level of intensity. What did I eat last night? What did I do differently last night and yesterday that made me feel this way?”
It’s my theory you’ll never know how to keep yourself always operating at that level. Life has ebbs and flows, and our energy, interest, and peak performance moments come and go.
My advice, however, is learn to recognize when you’re “hitting that zone” or “in the zone” and make plans for such moments. And when you find yourself feeling invincible, do the impossible for as long as that feeling lasts.
In the blurry, optimism fueled haze I’ve been operating in all day, I’ve told my best friend he and I are going to write a book together STARTING NOW! I told another friend of mine I’d write and do all his social media FREE for a month. I crossed more things off my to-do list at work this morning than I did all last week. I laid out a conversation agenda for my wife and I this evening, so we could discuss our Life Plan 2012 (yes, she is probably annoyed, but she’s learned to live with my moments of enlightenment). I ate a very sensible breakfast, an early lunch, and I’ll have a second lunch to re-stimulate my metabolism. I’m going for a run tonight. I’m going to write two chapters of the other book I’m helping write, and I’m going to schedule an entire weeks worth of social media and blogging for my 3 clients AND watch and write about The Bachelor for spunkybean.
It’s crazy. I feel awesome! I’ll probably work, write, and feel this way all the way until midnight or 1 a.m. and that will mean tomorrow I’m going to feel tired, overwhelmed by the tasks the Monday version of Don set in motion, and I won’t be able to muster up the same kick-ass energy.
For today – I’m going to capitalize on it. You can’t bottle it. You can’t store it in energy cubits. You simply have to recognize it when its happening, lasso it, and hang on and watch your best self bend spoons with your mind and climb Mt. Everest.
Huh? Maybe this is what they mean by “seize the day.”
Things I Love: My Old Friends
Look at the two of us. Like twins. That’s my big brother and big “me” …back in college I may or may not have eaten entire pizzas in a single sitting. Actually, this is my “big brother” in the fraternal sense, and by “fraternal sense” I mean he was my big brother in my college fraternity. In college, when you pledge a fraternity, you are assigned a big brother who’s job it is to mold you and change you from an immature high-school kid into a fine, upstanding gentleman, ready for the corporate world and ready for life beyond school and college. Mostly, though, the big brother buys beer for you.
My big brother, however, didn’t just buy me beer. He did those other things and over these 20 years we’ve known each other, he’s been a great friend. Even as we’ve grown older and seen less of each other, I can get together with him and it doesn’t matter that we may not have talked for a year or so. I have a theory about friends and friendship – friends of any shape and form are great, but nothing beats an old friend. Someday …that’s going to be a famous quote.
My big brother and I have connected three times, now, in less than a week. He’s doing amazing things, naturally, because he’s an amazing guy, and somehow he thinks I can help him. Maybe. I’ve fooled people into thinking I know a little something about social media, blogging, and writing – so I’m going to advise him.
I’m excited. I don’t know where his latest adventure is going to take him, but I feel pretty stoked to be invited along. I hope the adventure involves zip-lines and hang gliders, but we’ll see. It might just involve blogging and Tweeting.
For a glimpse at the talent I’ve known he’s had for years, make sure you check out his photography site. And his blog. And when I tell you, ‘Like’ him on Facebook and ‘follow’ him on Twitter.
Things I Did: Exercise
A few years ago, I felt I was very nearly at the top of my game. I would often times head out for a run and just see where the road would take me. I’d go 3, 4, or 8 miles if I felt like it. Sometimes I’d drop and do some push-ups, or I’d see a hill and sprint up it, or I’d run into town and charge up and down stairs in a parking structure there. I’d run when it was nearly 100-degrees, and I’d run when it was below zero. I’d swim a quarter-mile or a half-mile, and then towel off and ride on a bike for 10 or 20 miles. Why? Because I was a triathlete. I was a runner. I enjoyed the challenge of working towards something, of competing against myself and my past run and swim times, and most importantly, I just liked how I looked and felt. (And it was pretty awesome to be able to brag about it …because if there’s one thing I love doing, it’s bragging . . . and especially when it’s about myself)
But, things don’t always go exactly as planned. Somehow over the past 6 years, I’ve had some lung trauma caused by, and complicated by, an infection, scar tissue, and a condition my pulmonologist calls “bronchiectasis”. Yes, I have a pulmonologist I reference as “my pulmonologist.”
Bronchiectasis comes in many forms, but mostly I’ve determined it’s just annoying and, well … there. It won’t go away. My chest always feels just a little bit tight, and I’m never completely without a slight cough. There are good days and bad days – a good day is a day where I don’t cough and can just clear my throat, a bad day is a day I cough up some blood. But mostly, it’s just … there.
If I believe my doctors, then, yes, that’s what I have and I will just learn to live with it. And if I don’t believe my doctors, I need to wait for something to happen (like bleeding that won’t stop) and go back into the hospital so I can look them in the eye and say, “I told you so.” There’s a part of me that thinks (hopes) the doctors are wrong and I don’t have a condition that will simply be “there”, but maybe I have something else that can be cured.
However, as I charge toward my 39th birthday, which, if my math and calculations are correct, leads to my 40th birthday, I guess I should do something rather than nothing. Ever since I had my random flare-up back in September at Meet-the-Teacher Night at my kids’s school while vigorously talking about the upcoming MSU football season with my friend Tony, I’ve been stagnant.
I want to be awesome again, so I’m going to start small and work my way back up to awesomeness. And truth be told, if the rest of my life is relegated to brisk walking for 45-minutes a day and engaging in some Sit-and-be-Fit type exercises, and curling 4-pound weights . . . ya know what? I’ll still be healthier than if I’m doing nothing. Now imagine if I can start to eat right.
Yesterday was January 23rd, my Mom’s birthday. She passed away 7 1/2 years ago. She only lived to see her 58th year. It was unexpected and perhaps unavoidable, but we’ll never truly know. But if there’s even the slightest possibility that her life could’ve been extended with a little healthier eating and some brisk walking, well, then I shall not live my life and ignore her message she sends me from heaven or the lesson she might’ve given me by leaving us.
And then, there’s this Snapple bottle cap someone (my ex-sister-in-law Meg, actually) shared on Facebook which I just happened to see yesterday when all these emotions were going on. Maybe it’s all coincidence, or maybe it’s my Mom, again, telling me to get my act together and mix in a little light exercise.
I went to the church by my house last night and did some brisk walking side by side with 4 or 5 seniors who were also there trying to figure out a way to add a few more days to our all-to0-short lives. It felt good to get my heart pumpin’, my muscles pulsing, and my lungs opening, again. Here’s to exercise, and here’s to the rest of my awesome life.
Things I Love: Sledding; winter . . . but not this winter, so far. :(
Yes, I used a “frowny” in the title of this blog entry. I know most grown folks will tell you they’re loving this extremely mild winter in southeast Michigan. They’ll tell you all about how they don’t like driving in snow, don’t like shoveling snow, and if they don’t see another flake of snow from now until April, they’ll be happy as clams . . . oh, those happy clams.
Me? I’m not happy. I like snow. I like lots and lots of snow. I like to be impressed at the power of nature, and then I like to go outside and revel in it. I like sledding. I like using my snowblower (yes, I really do). I like how pretty snow looks. I like how it makes the world a little quieter. I like when the kids have snow days and build blanket forts in the basement. I like driving as if I’m the only person who knows how to drive when it snows, and then shouting and honking at other drivers for going too slow or driving in two lanes (even if, I can admit, you can’t really see the lanes to begin with). I like being outside, and then coming in and making hot cocoa. I like having roaring fires in my fireplace, and they are more fun to build when it’s 20 degrees outside and I have to trudge through a foot of snow to gather firewood. And finally, I like to dramatically talk about the snow as its falling, or after its falling, and I don’t care that it might be the same conversation I’ve had countless times throughout my 38 years on this planet. I say things like, “it was snowing so hard, I’m not kidding, I couldn’t see my neighbors house across the street.” And I say things like, “look on Facebook, I posted pictures of the snow on my deck that I took every hour. It’s hilarious, I basically measured the depth of the snow by the height of a beer bottle.” I’ll call my brother, who lives 15 minutes away from me, just to talk about the snow that’s falling, and my Dad never tires of hearing about how I’ve made a giant pile of snow in my front yard that I’ll make into an igloo for my kids.
It’s all about the kids, really. My kids are 8, 7, and 5. And if they’re forced to skip a winter and winter-fun because there’s no snow, they can’t get that back. It’s a shame. Last year I made a snow pile 6 feet tall, and then carved an awesome snow fort into it for them. This year, I had a bigger and better plan, and now …it …might …never …happen. Who knows . . . next year, my then 9-year-old might not be so impressed anymore by a snow fort. Or maybe my then 9- and 8-year-old will prefer to build their own snow fort with their friends, and I’ll be out of a job.
Short story long, it finally snowed on Friday and put about 3 or 4 inches of snow on the ground and my kids spent almost the entire day outside yesterday doing wintry stuff. Among the activities – sledding. And for the first time ever, I broke out this old wood and metal blade sled that I took from my Grandpa’s house when he passed. Until now, my kids didn’t want to use it. It looked old fashioned and boring (compared to the brigthly colored, modern-day plastic sleds). But I told them, “this is fast . . . dangerous, like, you could lose a finger if you’re not careful, or slice open your arm, but it’s fast and you’ll go farther.”
They don’t build ’em like they used to. Forget that it meets zero modern safety standards, that old beast of a sled cooks! I don’t know how well that rickety old thing will hold up now that it might get put into heavy rotation, but my kids can’t wait to take it on even bigger hills. I can’t wait to watch ’em sled (and take ’em to E.R.) and then run inside and drink cocoa.
Let it snow.
Things I Do: Master my Aeropress Technique
If your name is Tom and you bowl with me, or you’re just someone considering an Aeropress, or you have one and you’ve struggled early with making the perfect cup of coffee, this blog entry is for you.
Fact: an Aeropress makes a superior cup of coffee.
Fact: at first, an Aeropress is a bit messy, and you’ll wonder if you’re using it right.
Fact: you’ll figure it out – just be patient. Don’t rush things.
Fact: eventually, the thought of waiting for a drip-brew pot of coffee to finish brewing so you can have a way-too-acidic cup of coffee . . . it’ll make you cringe and you’ll wonder to yourself, wow, did I actually live like that?
Fact: you’ll talk about your amazing coffee and friends will either (a) zone out, or (b) call you a coffee snob to your face or behind you back. But it’s OK, because you will have brought your coffee drinking to another level and when you have coffee as good as an Aeropress makes it, it’s worthy of conversation.
So, Tom (and Aniella and Lauren) . . . here you go. You’ll notice at the 1:30 mark I really have to lean on the plunger for the final bit of pressure, and that’s perfectly normal. I use a fine grind, but not too fine. If you get really, really fine, the plunger won’t push through. Practice with a semi-fine grind, then work up to a finer grind. Heck …practice with Kroger grounds just to get the technique. An Aeropress even makes cheap Kroger coffee taste pretty darn good. Good luck. We’ll talk at bowling next week and I expect you’ll have a big, coffee drinking smile on your face.
Things I Think: High-Minded and Lowered Expectations
This morning I read articles about staying organized and on task, about attitudes towards advertising in 2012 compared to the ’80s and ’90s, about longevity, and about exercising. I reTweeted and shared them on Facebook. I left a few comments on those articles.
I’m engaged and constantly bombarding my brain with lessons and motivation I believe will make me a better, more organized, and effective person. I strive to strike a balance between work, family, friends, hobbies, leisure, fitness, and spirituality. I want to write a best selling novel …and a screenplay …and still do all my writing and social media work. I want to eat healthy. I want to take a walk but maximize the time I spend walking maybe by downloading a podcast, or good music. Or maybe I’ll just listen to NPR to be current.
I need to sleep more. I need to volunteer more. I have two soccer teams I need to coach and think about. I have a honey-do list that needs tending. I still haven’t put the glass in my front door and the screen door is still there. That screen needs fixing. My son just woke up and I selfishly encouraged him to go watch some TV so I could finish reading about things so I could better write about things. And then a read about a guy who just lost his Grandmother and he speaks glowingly about how she, and his father, always made time for family and gave great advice, and here I sit assuming my son is watching Pokemon – and do I really want him watching Pokemon? I will definitely stress out a little all day long thinking about the book chapters I need to finish and deliver, and the blog entries, Facebook updates, and Tweets I need to send for my clients and I’ll kick myself for not making better use of my time this morning.
All I really want to do is write a funny, charming blog entry about my 3rd grade girls soccer team. Crap! I didn’t shoot any video at Friday’s game. The longer I have my flip-cam, the better I get at using it, and I’ve really figured out what makes a compelling memory and bit of video …and I forever want to capture the spirit and joy of coaching my girls.
I would probably get more done if i exercised and slept better. I was supposed to call a friend last night. I should call my brother – I haven’t talked to him in a while. I should’ve have closed my laptop at 10 o’clock last night after 2 1/2 hours of writing and declared, “it’s ‘me time'” and watched a movie, right? High achievers never do that, right? But they must, because the people I consider high-achievers always seem to be quoting great literature or lines from great movies, so somehow they achieve great things while still engaging in enriching and personally satisfying leisure activities.
How do awesome people do it? Have you ever wondered this? Sure, I can sit here and write about all these things and give the appearance that, hey, I’ve got …it …all …under …control. Is that the illusion I’m buying into when others appear to have it all under control?
I’m hoping that most people don’t actually have it all under control, and Facebook and Twitter, and blogs, make it possible for us to create this outward appearance and image that, yes, we do have it all under control and nanner, nanner, nanner …you don’t.
For the record, I don’t. I just fake it really, really well.
Things I Do: Annoy My Family
I got up early to get crankin’ on some of this self-help book I’m writing for one of those guru type guys. The good thing about writing a book intended to motivate people and change their lives is that I kinda get wrapped up in the energy of it all. But I also get wrapped up in the seriousness and preachiness of it. Is “preachiness” a word? Well, I’m making it one.
What I have to remember is that, while I’ve been up since 6:00 a.m. writing about how you can delegate this and free up your time and how to measure and define happiness, the rest of my family has not. They wake up, well, cranky and all they want to do is stumble downstairs, sleepy eyed, and plunk down in front of the TV or with their Nintendo DSs, and wake up slowly. My wife doesn’t want to wake-up at all. And me? I’m on my 2nd cup of coffee and I’m all “up with people” and “life is what you make it” and all I get in return is, “Dad …breakfast is what you make it. I want a dip egg.”
One thing about “motivational writing” is that you’re supposed to employ a trick where you take a regular, every-day, common experience and use it to uncover an “a-ha moment.” Sometimes writers go big, and they compare our work-a-day lives to the great tales of achievment throughout history, or to the Grand Canyon and the hourly, daily, monthly, yearly, and millions of years of flowing water that carved it, and you and I are supposed to be all, like, “oh, totally, I just need to be consistent like the flowing river …always moving forward, never stopping, and eventually my life will be a deep, cavernous, ravine.” Or something.
So how would I put “waking up early” and “waking up slowly” and “writing” and “annoying” into a single parable or lesson?
Maybe I go with the idea that kids know what happiness is and unlike us grown-ups, they aren’t afraid to do exactly what makes them happy: a lazy morning, some cartoons or video games, and an egg and toast (prepared by Dad). The take-away line would be “find your source of happiness and start there.”
Or maybe I could go with the Grand Canyon and how, over the thousands of years and decades, the path it eventually carved wasn’t it’s only path. I could look up and probably find out that hundreds of miles away are the fossils and evidence of another canyon, and there was a river twice as large as the Colorado River and for some unknown reason, it dried up. The take-away would be “it’s OK if one path you follow and put all your energy into, one day, isn’t as exciting as it once was and you completely change course and try something new. It’s what the Colorado River did and look how that went.”
And to each of those, you the readers are supposed to be, like, “wow …I’m going to go annoy my family with my positivity but I’m going to help them realize how great life can be.”
So now I need to leave you with a take-away from this blog, I guess. I’m leaning towards the first lesson – that kids know “happy” and “happiness” and we grown-ups introduce all sorts of worry (debt) and uncertainty (trust in people, a job working for someone) into our lives and we lose track of what truly makes us happy. It’s not the paycheck or the things we bought on credit that make us happy, it’s the time it buys us to get back to doing that thing we truly love: sleep-in, get up and watch cartoons all morning, and not-be-annoyed by anyone or anything.
See? You’re inspired, right?
With that, I’m going to go grab one of my kids’s Nintendo DS devices, make myself another cup of coffee (no, not with the DS …it doesn’t make coffee …maybe I’ll make coffee, then sequester the DS device), and play some New Super Mario Brothers.
Happiness. Realized.
Things I Don’t Do: Write Enough; Live Enough; Be Bold Enough; Be Brave Enough
I have 4 writing clients, I’m contracted to ghost-write a book (I wish I could tell you about it but, well, “ghost-writers” can’t share that stuff), and I’m writing another guy’s memoir. I met with a guy on Thursday who runs two really great little businesses and he might hire me to write his blog, his Facebook statuses and tweets, and tell his story.
“Tell your story.” That’s what I tell my writing clients. I say, “you … you’re business …it has a story.” And I always pause for dramatic effect like I”m acting in a made-for-TV movie. I’m not going to lie, I might even sip coffee between “you” and “you’re business” just to make the point more powerful and warm. I’m forever a salesman.
However, I don’t always follow my own advice. Maybe I think things in my head like, “well, I’m writing so much for other people … (sigh, sip coffee) …maybe I don’t have time to write for myself. And ….well …(pause, look up-right, shrug shoulders) …who wants to read what I write, anyway.” I want to write a blog that is part #DaddyBlog, part writing advice, part humor, and part life advice. Not to mention some posts that I want to write to market my writing business and ghost-writing services, and some other blog entries simply about my kids and their soccer teams. Who would read a blog like that?
Maybe I need 5 or 6 blogs?
Maybe I just need to write a blog that caters to the unmotivated and slightly scattered among us who call themselves A.D.D. or A.D.H.D. simply because society told us all we must have a condition since we automatically chase shiny things for as long as it takes until we see another shiny thing.
Or maybe we’re chasing rabbits to a wonderland.
What’s better? A blog with lots of posts, written from the heart and whenever ideas pop into your head? Or a blog with nothing on it?
Take that one step further . . . what’s better? A life with lots of adventures, trials and errors, stops and starts, old friends, and a constant stream of new friends and acquaintances, experiments, and big ideas all mixed in with grace and humility, some silliness, huge belly laughs, building Legos and playing Nintendo DS for hours at a time with your kids, a few glasses of wine every now and then and, sometimes, a few too many glasses of wine, dancing and singing (even if the dancing and singing is a little off beat and out of tune) . . . or is it better to have a well focused life with nothing in it?
My new year’s resolution is this …I won’t be afraid to write on this blog random things that I know very few people will read. But it will be a metaphor for the rest of my new year’s resolutions …to not be afraid to do random things that very few people will do, and I won’t care if I do them well, fail, or make history. I’ll just have fun doing things.
I’ll write your story if you ask me or hire me . . . and now I’m going to write my story, too.
Oh, and if I was 17 or 18 years younger, I’m guessing I’d love this song, I’d learn all the words, and I might even find myself singing this very loudly in a bar along with a bunch of other people. Agree?
Things I Do: Recap The Bachelor at spunkybean.com
Happy New Year, one and all!
Wanna hear stuff about spunkybean, The Bachelor, and my 2012 Voter’s Guide? It’s sorta hard to explain, but once again I’m recapping every sordid, tragic, heartbreaking, and dramatic episode of The Bachelor on spunkybean, and this season’s analysis will go a long way towards determining the next President of the United States. OK, well, I guess that wasn’t so difficult to explain after all.
Lots riding on The Bachelor this year. I expect Fox News to be calling me soon and I’ll be offering thoughtful political analysis. I’m just waiting for that phone to ring. Any minute now. I just know they’ll call. And when I appear on Fox, what’s my best color? I’m thinking green tones.
Last night’s season premier of everyone’s favorite televised reality dating show kicked off and I’m here to tell ya …I’m here … to tell ya … but not here. But here. Over at spunkybean.
It’s gonna be a super fun season and I hope you, your kids, your best friends at work, and the three people you’ve Friended on Facebook but can’t remember why …I hope all of you will watch along and read along with me the entire season.
Get started now. Thanks for reading.
And again …HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Things I Don’t Do: Exercise; Watch Movies
Can you believe it’s been nearly 4 entire months since I jogged, ran, climbed stairs, rode a bike, lifted weights, swam, or lifted anything heavier than 7 pounds? And yet, because of the 4-Hour Body diet, I’ve hardly put on any weight (just don’t ask me about my cholesterol).
So, like the rest of everyone, I’m resolving to exercise more in the New Year. My lungs have been feeling GREAT lately, so I’m thinking it’s about time I push their capacity a bit. I’m going to start with some brisk walking at the track inside a church by my house. It will be me and a dozen old people – I guess I could also try speed-walking at the mall if I find I really like talking about Medicare, Medicaid, and whether or not Tom Bosley or Wilford Brimley is a better product pitch man. Don’t laugh …brisk walking is where I’ll start. I’m not proud of it …I used to run miles at a time, and charge up hills and stair cases, and I’d mix in push-ups and down-ups, and deep knee bends and sit-ups and push-ups …hey …I’m gonna start slow and see how my lungs react. Maybe someday I’ll be Superman, again.
Also, I was going to make a “Top-10 Movies of 2011” list for spunkybean, and then I realized I only watched 6 movies for the entire year. Yes, I’m sure I watched some Disney Channel originals about talking dogs, hamsters, or chipmunks, but I’m not going to count those. Six movies! That’s it! I blame Obama …or possibly the Republican controlled Congress. Somebody is sabotaging all my time.
It’s funny, actually …before I had kids, I had all sorts of time and what did I do with that time? I guess I watched alotta TV and movies. Now, the cinema (be it the big movie-plex or the home theater) is a novelty and something I never do. The movie industry said 2011 yielded the lowest theater attendance in almost 20 years and they pointed to many possible factors, but my theory is this: Gen X was the “greatest generation” for movie makers and production companies. If we had time to kill, “watch movies” was always at the top of our list. And now that all us Gen Xrs are having kids, coaching soccer, working (something experts said Gen X would never do), and picking up hobbies, and because we don’t have any sustainable, increasing, or expendable income …we’ve stopped going to the movies.
You might ask …what about the Boomers and Millenials, who’s numbers nearly quadruple the Gen X numbers? Well …sorry to tell you …those generations aren’t “movie goers” in the same way we were. Boomers gave up on movies long, long ago. Sure, they’ll see the occasional blockbuster, but mostly there’s “nothing at the movies” they want to see. They’re picky and fickle. Millenials are connected and texting and Tweeting and they don’t see the point of sitting somewhere for 2 hours and not using their cell phones. We Gen Xrs, we watched anything that would make a screen glow and we still would …if we had the time and money.
But worry not, Hollywood …in about a decade, you’re going to see an inexplicable bump in movie going again and you’ll wonder why? It will be because Gen X sent their kids off to college and we’ll get back to the movie theaters, and back to the foodcourts in the mall, and we’ll get you back in shape.
Wow, Don’s blog. What was this all about, anyway? Just ranting. Anything to keep me from having to exercise. And guess what …tomorrow I’ll tell you all about my burr type coffee grinder.
Don Kowalewski 