Don Kowalewski
Writer. Ad Sales and Marketing. Social Media Content Creator. Aeropress Coffee. Makes the best salsa in the world.
All American
Where did I go wrong? What could I have done better? I got this mug (pictured at the top) at Christmas from my 7-year-old daughter and I should be flattered, but instead … I’m troubled.
Did she walk right past the “#1 Dad” mug, and have to reach behind the “World’s Greatest Dad” mug to find this one? Did she at one point stand at the Secret Santa shop holding a “Superdad” and “All American Dad” mug in each hand and then decide, “well, he’s not exactly ‘super‘.”
I would’ve even been OK with “Dad of the Year” knowing I have to keep working hard and take nothing for granted.
What does “All American” even mean?
Or is it some sort of anti-immigration statement being made by this particular mug manufacturer or by my 7-year-old. And if so, who’s been letting my 7-year-old daughter watch Fox News?
And am I first team All-American or second team?
I know some of you might think I’m reading too much into it, but that’s what I do. I suppose I should just love it unconditionally as it came from a tiny 7-year-old heart that was so proud to give this to me because I love coffee and the mug says “Dad” on it. But coffee doesn’t taste as good when you know you’re not quite worthy of a “#1” or “Greatest.”
What now? What should I do now that I didn’t receive the proper praise and affection I wanted?
There’s a lesson here. And, yes, I know my 7-year-old wasn’t trying to send me a message. This wasn’t a performance review via a mug.
But what if it was?
It’s great to be recognized for your efforts and achievements. But sometimes you aren’t. And you have to be OK with that. If you are putting your heart and soul into something and nobody says, “thank you,” or, “golly gee we appreciate all your contributions to the team,” … we all need to learn to move on. And similarly, when we get a mug that says, “3rd Best Dad” or some review that doesn’t point out how great we are or how special we are, we need to learn from that. We can get better in those moments.
If you’re told you’re the “best” or the “greatest”, what then? Do you stop?
Again, my 7-year-old wasn’t firing a shot, but I can still use it as motivation. How can I ensure I’m “Best Dad Ever” or “#1 Dad” in the future? What if I spent more time playing board games or sitting and doing puzzles on Saturday morning instead of watching my son play Xbox while I click around on my iPad next to him? What if I tell my oldest daughter “I Love You” more than I currently do and what if instead of just saying, “I love you,” I mixed in a, “I love that you _______,” or, “I love you because you _______.”
Our next show-stopping performance doesn’t have to be to cross the Grand Canyon on a tight rope. It can be simple, little things. And just like it was a simple little thing that formed the Grand Canyon, one bucket of water at a time for thousands of years, so too will your life be as a “Greatest Dad Ever” or “Employee of the Year” or “Executive VP.”
Do something extra, today. Invent a new action today that will take a relationship or a project to a new level.
And have a cuppa coffee.
Follow me @donkowalewski on Twitter.
What Do You Love?
I blogged today. Just not here at Kaleidoscopic Raygun. Instead I blogged over at spunkybean, the pop-culture website I sorta co-founded and then sold for a bag of magic beans. I did one really great thing while running spunkybean – I found two of the most dedicated and talented writers I’ve ever met. Both reliable to a fault. And even when I flaked out and fell off the planet, they have been writing tirelessly and endlessly and that site is still going.
I used to write a ton about American Idol, and I wrote a lot about The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, and right now I’m writing a weekly column about Survivor.
I tell you that so you realize I’m still alive in Jeff Goins’s 21-Day Blogging Challenge. There were no rules on where one blogs. In fact, I’m kind of overachieving because I have multiple blogs.
Where is the life-lesson in this entry, you ask? It’s that you should pursue a passion or have a creative outlet to help keep your life in balance. For some, it’s golf. For some, it’s scrapbooking or photography. Whatever it is, we need something that makes us feel alive. I get sad when I see people having fun with a hobby and then quit, because dream-crushers make them feel less-than for having a hobby like photography or blogging. And sometimes these dream crushers are the same people who waste countless hours on things like fantasy football, golf, or great shows on HBO.
Nobody makes fun of someone who is into model trains? People don’t usually make fun of people who are 40 years old and play in a band.
For me? Blogging and writing is my garage band. It’s my golf league. And along the way I’ve picked up some clients who want me to write things for them. I’ve had the chance and been asked to speak to people. And from time to time someone comes up to me and says, “you’re really funny,” or, “you’re very inspiring,” and maybe that sounds egomaniacal, but I love that.
I blog about a TV show. I have fun doing it. Some people read it every now and then and like it. I guess that’s what shooting par must feel like.
Where’s your fairway? What are you shooting for? What do you daydream about when you’re not thinking about a deadline at work or how you’ll pay for your kids college? Me? I think about things it would be fun to write about and what might make someone think or smile.
Make someone smile. No …wait …make yourself smile. And that’ll make me smile.
Learning Something Every Day
Inspiration can strike at any time. Today it happened for me at the dry-cleaner just after 7:30 a.m. when I picked up my shirts and a suit.
My dry cleaner had a little newspaper sitting there by the cash register. At first I laughed. I thought to myself how foolish and what a waste of time it is for a company to publish a little newspaper.
But then a headline jumped out at me and the article that followed blew me away.
I wash my bed sheets weekly. Check. We wash towels in our house, it seems, daily because the standard practice of my three children are to just drop them on the floor after they’ve been used and by the time my wife or I find those towels, they sometimes already smell musty, so into the washer they go. Oh, and my one daughter has no concept of “my towel” and will use whichever towel she can reach.
But …the pillow? Should be washed weekly(ish)? I thought I was good replacing my pillow once a year, but according to the cleaning experts at my dry-cleaner and their intrepid reporters, I’m laying my head down nightly on a germ factory and dust mite cemetery.
Today begins my 21-Day Blogging Challenge with Jeff Goins. My goal is to take simple things and blog about them, and offer a lesson.
What did I learn today? Respect other’s voices. Hell …I’m a guy with a blog and was part of founding spunkybean, a website about TV shows. And I want people to read and marvel at my wit. This newspaper at my dry-cleaner is someone else’s fun/good idea. A co-worker telling me about their commute or their recent conversation with a client …there’s a reason they’re telling me and I should listen.
I’m going to do a better job of respecting others voices and their stories. I’m going seek opportunities to learn and grow in more moments in my life.
So today, I didn’t just learn I should wash my pillow more, but I should lower my defenses and open my eyes and ears more.
Will you do the same?
Follow me at @donkowalewski
Living Deliberately. Blogging Intentionally.
There’s this concept called “living deliberately.” It means not letting life just sorta happen to you, but instead, controlling everything that happens to you (that you can). Things like when you wake up, if you exercise, whether you enjoy your job and control your workday, or it controls you (your time, your mind, your sleep).
Do you hit the snooze bar? Then you’re not living deliberately. And I’m talking the figurative “snooze bar” on your life and dreams, projects at work, phone calls to friends, as well as the literal snooze bar and when you wake up. If you want to get up at 6am, get up at 6am. Don’t set your alarm for 5:40 and hit the snooze 2 or 3 times and then get a late start.
Imagine a life where you make deliberate, well-reasoned decisions on just about everything. Wake at 5:15am. Walk the dog and listen to something interesting for a half-hour. Shave. Shower. Floss. Make coffee.
For me? This also includes “writing.” I like myself better when I’m writing. Super blogger guy, Jeff Goins, understands what I mean. It’s why I’m tackling his “21-Day Blogging Challenge.” It starts on October 8th. I guess this blog is my jump-start.
But, Don, you say. I’m not a blogger. It makes no never mind. Blogging for me isn’t totally about my becoming a writer. It’s a brain dump. As Jeff Goins also points out in his entry “Why You Should Start a Blog (Even If You’re Not a Writer)”, by organizing my thoughts and forcing myself to coherently communicate them in writing, they go from some random thoughts inside me head to deliberate, clear ideas I can see and read on the page. Some ideas don’t seem so great once you put them in writing and that’s OK. Other ideas turn out to be better and take shape once you force yourself to express them in a way that someone else could understand.
I’ve blogged for a long time. I’m going to keep blogging. And I will accept this 21-day challenge and see how the thoughts look once they get out of my head and onto my blog.
Follow me at @donkowalewski
Twitter is Great
I talk about how much I love Twitter so much you’d think I own stock. I’ve convinced at least a half dozen people over the years to try it and they’ve almost all fallen in love with it. Not because they like Tweeting, but because you can use it to navigate any passion, hobby, or interest you have. You can use it to passively monitor the industry in which you work, or news in your community, or a hobby you just started.
So, this morning a super cool and motivated peer of mine at iHeartMedia had this idea to form a sales focused book club. For those of you in sales, you know the importance of reading books on sales to make sure you’re motivated and informed and that you keep re-inventing yourself. You know it helps to read books on self-improvement, or books on life balance and motivation. I’ve met very few sales people who don’t read books on sales, watch videos on sales, or attend workshops about selling and the sales process.
What does this at-work book club have to do with Twitter? Well, we picked a book called The Little Red Book of Selling by Jeffrey Gitomer. In it he suggests avoiding negativity and surrounding yourself with positive people and ideas and that is how I use Twitter. Think of it like this …you know you check your phone constantly. You look at Facebook. You send text messages. You check Facebook. You probably check Instagram. You check it in rush hour traffic, at the mall, waiting at stop lights, in line at the checkout, and probably sitting on your couch at night while the TV is on and your laptop is open next to you.
We’re addicted to our phones. Make that addiction count for something. Check twitter and follow things that make you smarter and motivate you, or that can give you an “a-ha moment” every now and then.
I told a guy who loved Fantasy Football to set-up his Twitter and follow everything he could find relating to the NFL, fantasy football tips, and football columnists and news sources he likes. He did. He’s a Twitter devotee. News and info come to him. He doesn’t have to go find it.
Another friend did this as it relates to TV shows and movies. Another friend did this as it relates to the automotive industry.
So, for my book club, I said, “start slow, but follow some gurus and authors you like,” and then I suggested some of the motivational type people and organizations listed below.
Here’s my initial list. You won’t be worse for starting with this list and growing from there.
https://twitter.com/ThisIsSethsBlog
https://twitter.com/TopSalesWorld
https://twitter.com/KeithRosen
https://twitter.com/lifehacker
https://twitter.com/BrendonBurchard
https://twitter.com/salesforce
https://twitter.com/SalesReadiness
Add to this list by leaving a comment. Try Twitter. Fall in love.
P.s. I’m the only male in this book club. So there’s that, too.
Where is the Starting Line?
I’m big on New Year’s Resolutions. In fact, I like resolutions so much, I invented mid-year resolutions that happen on July 1st. And last year, I even executed my first Fall Resolution which included my finding a new job and focus.
But why stop there? What about Weekly Resolutions? Or Daily Resolutions? Is there some magic to having a specific date and time where you’ll start or stop something?
Let’s say I want to start running again and my goal is to get to a point where I can “run” a 5k (as opposed to “briskly walking” a 5K due to my lung issues). Should I wait until October 1st? Or after Halloween? Or should I wait until Thanksgiving? And in the meantime, find the perfect couch-to-5K app that will track my progress and save to buy new shoes and some cool weather running gear? And map out some training routes and get a Garmin?
Or should I just start running? Run until I get winded and tired and then walk, and then try running again?
The answer is …start running. Learn better techniques and make it up as you go along. That’s what I did this morning.
How about blogging? Hey. Look what you’re reading? Guess what? I just decided to blog something. And did it.
How about blowing away your Q4 sales? How about dieting? How about forgiving a friend or relative for something? Or calling an old friend?
I was talking with my friend Nick this morning about a good closing line for a presentation I have coming up and he suggested this very thing. Don’t worry about the past. It’s past. Done. Can’t change it. And usually you can’t fix it. But you can decide, today, in this moment, to be better and do great things.
Here’s the starting line. Did you start? OK …here’s another starting line. Don’t worry if you missed it. Another starting line will be here in a second.
Start now.
A New Thing Every Day
I bought a book about a year ago – Achieve Anything in Just One Year: Be Inspired Daily to Live Your Dreams and Accomplish Your Goals. I read the first 12 chapters and then put it down. Just add me to that statistic that only a small percentage of people actually follow all the way through with any sort of self-help, weight-loss, or Ponzi scheme or program.
It’s time to pick it up again.
If I remember the basic premise, it’s going to take me a full 365 days to read it. The author (Jason Harvey) asks that you only read one chapter each day and do the assignment. That’s it.
Well, you ask, what good is that? Actually, it’s more than “good” …it’s great! It’s brilliant. And I hope I’m remembering it right. But think about it …we all make big proclamations and grand announcements about what we’re going to change and how we’re going to get better and we often do it on January 1st and make a big spectacle about it. This exercise is more self-serving than it is self-bettering (if “self bettering” is a phrase …and if it isn’t, I’m going to trademark it).
Think about it. What if you just changed one thing about yourself each day? And does it really matter when you start? In 365 days, you’d have changed 365 things about yourself. Whoa! When you look at it that way, that’s life-changing. The book, for the record, doesn’t actually suggest you “change” something every day. It’s about “taking action” every day.
Now think about this. Imagine if you were an A+ student and read the book and said, “I’m going to apply this to my work life and home life.” If you read this book and take action at work and at home, now you’re going to take over 700 actions to improve your life and “achieve anything.”
Again … whoa! But I’m a go-getter. I’m going to apply it to (a) my work life, (b) my personal life as it relates to my family, home, and friends, and (c) my new life.
What’s my “new life?” It’s not as drastic as you think …I’m not talking about becoming Batman or quitting my job and buying a boat in Key West and beginning a life as a snorkel instructor. I define (or, that is, I’m working on defining) my “new life” as the life I’m going to have where I perfectly balance my career, my family, and my hobbies and dreams while simultaneously learning how to sleep well at night, eat right, lose my beer-gut, and add years to my life. It’s part physical health and part mental-health.
I stared this little “achieve anything” concept on Monday. Anyone notice anything (other than the two straight days of new pants)? Stick around. Keep watching. You just might see something amazing and I hope to watch you do something amazing, too.
Follow me at @donkowalewski if you want to know what I’m doing every day.
Vacation Lessons
I’m fresh back from my annual week-long vacation in “Up North” Michigan where I rent a cabin with my family on Torch Lake. I’ve been renting this same cabin for, by my calculations, 13 consecutive years. I’m pretty sure I started vacationing on Torch Lake when I was six years old, and save for a few summers in the mid-90s, I’m pretty sure I just spent, what could be, my 30th or 31st summer vacationing on Torch Lake.
I still haven’t won the lottery, started a multi-million-dollar company, or figured out some other way to buy a place on Torch Lake, but that’s OK …I love my week, once a year.
My vacations on Torch have filled my brain with countless special memories and have given me some of the best moments of my life. I’ve dragged a (very) pregnant wife up to Torch, twice. I’ve vacationed with a newborn. My cousin Scott became my best-friend up there. I learned to drive a boat. I’ve run from the northern tip of Torch to the southern tip with my brother. I discovered Billy Joel on the radio up there. I learned to water ski. I’ve vacationed with friends, all my cousins, all my aunts and uncles, my brother and sister, and my father and mother. My mother’s ashes have been sprinkled onto Torch Lake. A few times this past week, I swear I could’ve closed my eyes and opened them and seen her sitting in a folding chair in the shade of the birch trees, reading a book, with a drink next to her, held up by one of those tulip topped spikes that you stick in the ground next to your beach chair.
The list could go on and on.
However, there’ll be plenty of opportunities to be melancholy and reflective. Right now, I want to quick share the big lessons I took away from vacation, this year.
1. Last year’s vacation sucked, because I hated the job I had at that time.
2. “Regret” happens and it sucks. I don’t “regret” anything this year, but last year I spent the whole week regretting things. Last year, I was deeply regretting leaving my previous career and job. it consumed me. But luckily, sitting alone and looking at the waters of Torch Lake in 2013 allowed me to make a plan. Maybe my mom’s spirit was speaking to me in 2013 and was telling me to do all the things I was thinking might make my situation better and she couldn’t wait to see me back in 2014. (yes, I truly believe I feel her spirit when I’m on the shores of Torch).
3. If you can have one crazy idea, you can have another. Last year, while at Torch, I got the crazy idea that I’d try and get hired back into radio and into the same company I had left in early 2013.
4. I sleep really, really great on vacation. Is it because I’m not staring at a glowing computer screen and because I watch minimal TV and my bio-rhythms start to function normally?
5. It’s never too late and you’re never (well, rarely) in a situation so bad you can’t fix it.
6. The water in Michigan’s big lakes is still really, really, cold.
7. I have a great wife.
8. My kids still think I’m pretty cool and they like me.
9. Every day I can spend with my family, and every year I can vacation with them, is truly a gift.
10. I can conquer the world (or at least my small part of it).
11. The waters of Torch Lake have healing properties. I healed a cold within 48 hours and without medicine.
12. I”m happy.
So, there you have it. On this night, the first night back from vacation on the eve of going back to work tomorrow, I’m happy and feel like I can do and handle anything.
Uncluttering
Every now and then, a guy like me, Mr. Inbox Zero, suddenly wakes up to find he has way too much going on and too much clutter in his life. And that “clutter” can be on my desk, in my car, in my bedroom, my garage, my yard, but most of all, in my head.
Clutter creeps up on you, little by little, and you don’t realize what’s happening until it’s too late. Keeping on top of it, daily, and making the effort, daily, is really the only way to manage it …but who does that?
Next thing you know you wake up and the trunk of your car has so much stuff in it, it looks like you’re packed for vacation, your garage has so many bikes and toys laying around, you can’t pull your car in there, you can’t see your countertop in your kitchen, and your to-do list at work looks like something you’re laying out to finish before the end of the year, and not the end of the day.
Here’s what I’m doing. Attacking the clutter as if it were my job. Why? Because when you think about it, it is my job. If I keep my sanity, and keep control, my performance in all aspects of life will improve.
Seems silly, but I’m going to start “un-subscribing” from the dozens of emails I’ve opted in to receive. I’m going to take 15-minutes each Thursday, on the eve of trash day, and just get rid of stuff in my garage and on the shelves I haven’t looked at or thought about in more than a year. Then I’ll do the same with my bookshelf.
When you have clutter, you can’t help but have a cluttered mind and it leads to stress, anxiety, and worry. Your brain can only hold about 7 or 8 things in it at a time, and it performs best when you’re limiting it to 2 or 3 things and not trying to multi-task.
Multi-tasking, by the way, is a myth. You can’t actually multi-task in your mind and you can barely do it with trivial tasks. Seriously, try cooking while talking on the phone. Tell me if at some point you don’t ask the person you’re speaking with to repeat what they just said or if your meal doesn’t come out too salty because you added salt twice.
So, today …while doing my daily tasks, I’m going to ask myself a few questions with everything I touch. Is this clutter? Do I need it, now? Will I need it, ever? And if I throw it away, will I miss it and not be able to ever get it back should I someday be asked for it? Heck, and even if it is irreplaceable, I’m going to consider taking a picture or scanning whatever it is.
It goes back to the simple “touch everything only once” philosophy. Either file it, act on it, or throw it away. Don’t move it from one spot on your desk to another. Same with household clutter. Pick it up and put it away or throw it away. No other option. Like my Mom used to say …when you see something out of place, put it away. Because the next time you see it, it won’t look so out of place. The third time you see it, it belongs there.
Good luck. Tomorrow I’ll revisit my Mid-Year Resolutions.
Follow me at @donkowalewski.
The Cold Call
Part of my job is the “cold call.” The idea of cold-calling, for many (including me), can sometimes create anxiety and fear and nervousness. We consult our cold-call tactics and techniques. We lock ourselves in a small conference room and pull the shades down. We pick up the phone as if our life depends on the next 30-seconds and it’s do or die. Either I call, establish a rapport, charm this person, ask for and appointment on such and such a day at such and such a time “if that works for them.” We’ll drive into work saying, “today is the day I’m going to make cold calls” and then we get to the office and start doing anything and everything that seems more important just to avoid that uncomfortable feeling of being hung up on, ignored, or being told, “no.”
I’ve read every book (and will read many more) I could find on cold-calling and selling and overcoming objections and it’s all useful. I’ve sat through courses and listened to webinars and watched educational videos provided by my companies over the years. I’m still looking for that magic formula that will allow me to pick up the phone, get an appointment every time, go to that appointment and show someone great ideas, and walk away with a handshake and signed agreement.
I’ll look for the rest of my life and I’m pretty sure that won’t happen.
I’m also pretty sure the “cold call” will always be what it is. Cold. Dangerous. Intrusive. And the person on the receiving end of a cold call will never actually want your call. Maybe someday they’ll want to talk to you, but not on a random Tuesday, out of the blue, when they were about to do something on their own to-do list so they can get out of work and get home and to a childs little league game.
I also don’t think business owners and decision makers take courses and read books on “how-to squash the cold-caller.” I’ve just searched Amazon …they don’t have a book for business owners on the subject. The business-owner/decision-maker is just as uncomfortable with the cold-call as the person making the cold-call.
So… the thought for today. Why not just refer to it as a “phone call.” Nothing more. Do we have to make such a big deal out of it? I have a thing or do a thing that might be something you need done or need to do. Let’s just talk about it. If someone called me today and said, “we want to sell you a lawn service for the year,” …I’d say ‘no’ I’m not interested. But if they said, “can I come to your house today and mow your lawn?” …I’d actually say ‘yes’. See, I like mowing my lawn for many reasons. I just do. Call me crazy. But this week has been busy, and it’s rained, and if someone could get to my house today and mow it, I’d happily pay.
See? I’m not never (double negative) going to say ‘yes’, but it depends on my mood and when you call.
Just call. See what happens. It might just be that simple.
Follow me @donkowalewski.
Don Kowalewski 