Don Kowalewski
Writer. Ad Sales and Marketing. Social Media Content Creator. Aeropress Coffee. Makes the best salsa in the world.
Dad Stuff, Part 10: New/Best Water Bottle
Like all other decisions in my life, the decision of my “next water bottle” has taken a good, solid six months of research, hemming and hawing, denial, and finally … pouncing on a great deal.
This thing is perfect. I don’t care how much my wife and daughters laugh and say, “you got a tiny water bottle because you’re a tiny person.” At the moment, I like this water bottle more than I like them. No. I love this water bottle. I tolerate them. Harumph.
I had a Swell bottle, but it was too tall for the water dispenser on my fridge and those Swell bottles are really only for cold beverages. I had a clear plastic bottle, but even the nicest plastic breaks down.
Enter the Zojirushi SM-KHE48 16 oz. stainless mug (which for me is a bottle). And it’s perfect because…
- Full-sized ice cubes can go inside
- It’s smaller, thin, and goes in any cup holder
- Guaranteed for 5 years and can be exchanged for any reason
- Keeps hot things hot for many, many hours
- It slips nicely into the water bottle holder on my backpack (the Swell was too tall and top heavy)
- It fits into the water dispenser opening on my fridge
- The entire mouthpiece can be disassembled and thoroughly cleaned weekly
- Has a super sweet spring-loaded flip-top lid
- Is black
- Will add 7 years to my life
Again, the wifey and the oldest daughter laughed, but it holds SIXTEEN OUNCES. Looks are deceiving. Even I didn’t believe it so I measured out sixteen ounces of water and poured it in and I’ll be damned …it holds sixteen ounces.
“Don,” you ask? “Did it really take you six months to pick out a water bottle?”
Yes. Yes it did. At first I thought, “Yeti,” and that would be that. But I didn’t like their shape or their cost. Then I thought, “TJ Maxx,” and if I’m patient, eventually I’ll find exactly what I’m looking for and I’ll be done. But TJ Maxx never ended up having what I was looking for. Then I thought, “are you really going to spend more than $20 on a bottle that holds water and don’t you have drinking glasses all over your house, and don’t you stay inside your house all day and night?”
Then my Dad gave me a gift card for my birthday (um, yes, I’m 47 and he still gives me a little birthday money and …so what!?!?!) and I finally pulled the trigger.
Now, I know in my heart that all stainless steel water bottles are made in the same place and every company just buys the same bottles and slaps their brand on those bottles. I know there’s only about 100 different designs. But I like to think there’s a design team at Zojirushi and this “Business Traveler” or “Middle Aged Hiker” design was the result of 100 engineers and 50 market research people locking themselves in a room and writing on the white board things like, “trail hiking,” and, “airports.” And they said things like, “it needs to be perfect for a carry-on and for the outdoor enthusiast who wants to keep carrying-on.” Multiple engineers were fired when they came up with a design that was, “good enough.” And you know how they have those big stadium events with cheering fans when they announce a new iPhone? I want to believe when they announced the Zojirush SM-KHE48, the CEO came dancing onto stage amidst fireworks and Metallica’s “Enter Sandman” and everyone went ballistic when he revealed the latest in their line of stainless steel mugs and drinking bottles.
My water bottle arrived. It’s perfect. It’s actually more than perfect. So if you want your water drinking life (and maybe your mobile coffee drinking life) to be perfect, you might really like the Zojirushi (once you wash off the China virus …did I just say that …shame on me).
Don Stuff, Part 2: Ranch Dressing
Best. Ranch. Ever. #BestRanchDressing. Best ranch dressing. #RanchDressingRules
Sorry. I’m trying to go viral because after a lifetime obsessing about ranch dressing (if “lifetime” can be defined by “since college”), I’ve found ranch nirvana.
#RanchNirvana (hashtags will get me famous).
It’s pretty simple really. Get this ranch base from Penzeys Spices. Put a heaping tablespoon in with 1 cup buttermilk and 1 cup mayonnaise. Mix with excitement. Done.
I’m not alone in my obsession. I think obese America is obsessed with ranch dressing. Sometimes I can’t believe, prior to 1992, that I dipped french fries in ketchup and dipped my breadsticks or mozzarella sticks in marinara sauce. Oh, what a hopeless fool I was.
My new thing is being plant-based and avoiding added, unnecessary chemicals in food. ALL store-bought ranch has chemicals. Even the brands with very little still have ’em. Ranch done right is mayo, buttermilk, and spices for flavor. That’s it. I’ve tried some homemade recipes and my own mix of spices, but never got that right flavor. Now, with Penzeys Spices ranch base …I’ve nailed it. Well, they’ve nailed it.
Even my teenage daughter, known for never liking anything her Dad does, is on board with the best ranch ever.
For my family, the gold-standard ranch is whatever ranch they use at Jet’s Pizza (which I was told is Marzetti’s, but we don’t believe it). Following Jet’s ranch is the ranch my Aunt Denise makes with Hidden Valley’s seasoning packet (it has quite a few chemical preservatives I don’t need). Then there’s the ranch they have at Zehnder’s in Frankenmuth followed by store-bought Marzetti’s in a jar.
That’s it. That’s the list. You’d think this is a pretty simple mission. Eat the best ranch. But oh no. For too long we’ve opted for ease and convenience of whatever bottle of ranch is cheapest at the store (usually the Kroger brand which is serviceable at best).
No more!!!
Plus, the math works out in my favor. A 16oz bottle Kroger brand ranch is, like, $2.99. My family goes through a bottle of ranch a week (should I be admitting that?). $12 per month. The small Penzeys Spices jar is $4.69. One bottle of buttermilk is $1.99 (3 cups). Mayonnaise is $1.99. Total $8.69 and I can make the recipe three times and . . . I won’t show you my notepad and the complex math, but it works out to $11.58 per month, which isn’t a huge savings, but what is the price of my happiness and the price of less (zero) added chemicals in my ranch?
I know ranch isn’t good for you in any shape and form. Mayonnaise and buttermilk are, well, fat (and not plant-based …I get it …I’m a hypocrite …but I’m going to try a version of this with vegan mayo and buttermilk alternative and then my teen daughter will roll her eyes at me and report back). But my family eats healthy. I eat lots of salads. I make cauliflower hot wings and vegan zucchini poppers, for goodness sake. Let me have my ranch to dip things in!
For now, this is my public service to the world. If you’re going to have ranch, why not make it count? Like coffee? If I’m going to have 2 cups a day, what’s the price of getting a can of Maxwell house and hating every sip? I pay a little more for fresh, locally roasted beans. Now my ranch is local, chemical-free, and every bite of my salad makes me happier. If you love ranch and this Blog post has attracted the thousands of readers I’d hoped it would, join my revolution. #ranchRevolution
As the Partridge Family once said, “come on get happy.” Viva la ranch.
Don Stuff, Part 1: NEW Weezer Song
August has been a rough month. I had tickets to Hellamega, a concert with Fall Out Boy, Green Day, and Weezer. I was going with one of my best friends, my 16-year-old son, and he was gonna bring a friend.
Wanna know my Top-5 favorite (instrument) bands?
- Weezer
- The Beatles
- The Beastie Boys
- Fall Out Boy
- Metallica
Green Day is definitely Top-10 (my younger sister bought me a CD for Christmas in the early ’90s and I was like, “oh …thanks …a band I’ve never heard of …um …OK.” . . . and then I fell in love with those British punk rockers . . . and then I learned they weren’t British).
You can see from my list, when a concert featuring THREE of my own, personal favorite bands gets cancelled, it’s very difficult emotionally.
Oh. Right. And time with my friend and son. That sucks, too.
Where was I? Oh, Rivers Cuomo (the founder and leader singer or Weezer, which you knew, and if you didn’t, you’re banned from my Blog) knows how hard it is for his fans, so all summer he’s been dropping love-letters (aka “songs”) for us Weezer-less superfans and here’s another. A song off the upcoming Bill & Ted movie soundtrack.
Enjoy. Hope it helps with whatever canceled-concert-sadness you have.
Dad Stuff, Part 9: A New Daily Multivitamin
Today marks a new chapter in my life, and when I say “new chapter,” I mean NEWCHAPTER Every Man™’s One Daily 40+ Multivitamin. What’s more, I didn’t even spend countless hours researching vitamins, asking friends and doctors, and losing sleep over picking a new vitamin. This happened because my Trader Joe’s stopped carrying my trusted Men’s Once Daily Multivitamin.
Crazy move on Trader Joe’s part. I was so loyal.
Trader Joe’s, I ain’t ashamed to say, is only my 2nd-favorite food store. My favorite food store is Better Health, so when they told me they were no longer making my multivitamin, I stormed angrily out of Trader Joe’s and beelined it to Better Health (that is, if a bee drives six miles and takes a few Michigan-lefts and cuts through a neighborhood and “storm angrily” means I finished shopping and bought some other stuff).
My multivitamin and supplements are a bit of an obsession. Who am I kidding? Everything I do is an “obsession.”
What I Like
NEWCHAPTER boasts the vitamins can be taken on an empty stomach. I did that once (half a vitamin). The labeling proved correct. I don’t take an entire multivitamin at once. I break it in half and take half with breakfast and half with dinner. I was using a pill cutter on the Men’s Health brand. These have a line and can be broken exactly in half without a pill cutter and with my hands only. That’s cool. Why do I not take an entire multivitamin? Because I read somewhere the reason your pee-pee gets super yellow after you take a multivitamin is because most of the nutrients gets washed right through you.
I also like this vitamin because it’s formulated for Men 40+ and has some of that other important stuff I’m always reading about in Men’s Health.
Lastly, I noticed something, a difference, almost immediately. Maybe it’s placebo effect or all in-my-head, but without the stomach stuff, and maybe because it has a “stress and energy support blend”, I felt somewhat of a calmness and I swear my sleep was deeper.
It’s also not too expensive. $20 for a bottle of 24 (my wife did frown because Trader Joe’s is 60 pills for $14.99).
It’s been a week. Today and tomorrow I’ll be intermittent fasting and not taking this multivitamin, so it’ll be interesting to see how I feel without it, and then when adding it back in. Interesting, I say! Oh, you’re interested. Admit it.
Yep. You’re gonna notice a whole buncha posts around this Blog and you’ll think to yourself, “why does Don think I care about any of this crap?”
You’ll see. You’ll see. You care. Or, should I say, I’m out to prove someone cares.
Oh, and these vitamins even have their own video . . . so you know they’ve got to be good.
Dad Stuff, Part 8: The Coronavirus Pandemic as a Dad
I’ll consider myself a successful father if I teach my kids the following.
- How to think critically
- Weigh and value all options and opinions
- React to things in a calm and rationale way
- Be humble
- Always be learning
- Avoid anger
- Stand up for what’s right – which is different than standing up for your opinion
- Trust no one (actually, no . . . Trust no Politician and be skeptical of almost any news source)
We’re in an election year. We’re in the middle of a pandemic. A pandemic that impacted the entire world has, somehow, become a “political issue.” Think how bizarre that is? Imagine if the common cold or Cancer could pit neighbor against neighbor?
“Hi, Friend-I-Don’t-Talk-To-Often, how’s your Mom?”
“My Mom got Cancer late last year and she died from liver Cancer in January.”
“I don’t believe in Cancer. It was probably something else.”
“What the f…?”
“Do you really think as many people die of Cancer as is reported?”
“Dude, you should really stop talking…”
“Read between the lines …all that money raised for Cancer research by Cancer charitities to pay all those salaries, and all those Cancer drugs and treatments and doctors who make their living off treating Cancer. You think any of them want to cure Cancer? Wake up and smell the chemo!”
“I’m going to throw my drink at you.”
“Think about it. We used to cure things like Polio and Measles. Yet somehow we can’t cure Cancer. It’s population control on top of money-making.”
“I hate you.”
This is where we are. We’ve collectively known about COVID-19 for (I’ll be generous) 7 months and in those 7 months, we’ve all become bonafide, irrefutable experts. And all our expert opinions are wildly different.
Nowadays, we argue about everything. A meteor could be headed toward Earth and I’m pretty sure we’d argue about who’s fault it was (even though I think we’d all know exactly who to blame . . . lookin’ at you, Lex Luthor).
I’m not an expert. I never studied infectious diseases. Well, not until 5 months ago and I started spending about 2 hours a day reading headlines, scrolling through Twitter, and watching 15-second news clips and quotes. So, I guess I take that back … I am an expert.
Kidding. I’m not an expert. Nobody is and certainly not Politicians and pundits on TV. If you (or anyone) claim to have all the answers, you had better also tell me you came from the future in a time machine.
This is what I’m trying to teach my kids. Watch. Read. Listen. Learn. Repeat. Maybe take notes. Look at data – but not from one source. This applies to the current pandemic, any future medical condition you might have, your mortgage, investing, or anything that really matters to you.
Watch. Read. Listen. Learn. Repeat.
I feel that both political rallies and massive protests spread the virus. I feel masks aren’t perfect, but they must help a little and wish everyone would wear them. I wish someone would honestly tell me what Florida, Georgia, Texas, and California did wrong over the past 30 days to make hospitals fill-up and have a shortage of supplies. Or are the hospitals just fine?
Or is there really nothing we can do because this is, essentially, a “meteor-headed-toward-Earth” and it’s not something we can do much about – like Cancer, volcanoes, hurricanes, or earthquakes?
When I tell people this, they think I’m a masochist. I watch MSNBC, Fox News, listen to Rush Limbaugh, I read the headlines on Drudge, CNN.com, MLive, DetNews.com and Freep.com. I watch Stephen Colbert every night, Jon Oliver’s Last Week Tonight every week, and I occasionally watch Hannity on Fox. I watch the PBS News Hour every night at 6 o’clock. But more important than all of that, I check the following sites every few days and try to decide what the numbers are telling me (kinda like a Freakonomics thing).
- https://www.usatoday.com/in-depth/graphics/2020/03/10/us-coronavirus-map-tracking-united-states-outbreak/4945223002/
- https://coronavirus.jhu.edu/us-map
- https://covid19risk.biosci.gatech.edu/?fbclid=IwAR2Z0WmZ2BQIBD9JJE5Ml8YomSPVpuyNGfTQ4tbTDEQpiPV1arH2a-gOMX0
- https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/index.html
In summary. I won’t argue with you and your point of view. I want to hear it and I want to hear how you came to your conclusions. I hope you want to listen to how I came into my way of thinking. I reserve the right to change my mind 2-weeks from now and so do you, based on new information, more discussion, and data. We should talk, again. Keyword being “talk.” I hope you’ll wear a mask, wash your hands, and be respectful of rules for a couple of months . . . just to see if we can impact the numbers. If we don’t change the trajectory, we can “talk” again.
Go ahead. Comment about how wishy-washy I am or tell me I’m brilliant and align with how you think. We can do this. And by “this” I mean work together and figure out a way out of this mess.
This is how I think Ward Cleaver, Michael Keaton, and other legendary TV-dads would handle this with their kids.
Love you all. Thanks for reading.
Dad Stuff, Part 7: Re- Crate Training My Dog
Everyone talks about how the pandemic and shelter-in-place has impacted the family dog and I’m here to tell you, after analyzing a control group of one dog (my dog) . . . it’s true.
I worked-from-home for almost two years. Now the entire family’s been home since mid-March. So the dog is done with the cage. That doesn’t work for us (or the dog). She spent 7 years as a crate trained dog so she has no idea what to do if we leave her out to wander when we leave or at night.
The dog was perfectly crate trained. Not everyone agrees with crate training a dog, but for our dog(s) – it made sense. The current dog, when we rescued her, pee’d everywhere. If we turned our backs for 5-minutes, she’d run off and find a place to pee. But she would never pee in her cage. She liked her crate. She’d often just go and nap in her crate in the middle of the day. At night, when we went to bed at 11 o’clock, we’d say, “go pen,” and she’d skip to her crate, curl up in a ball, and wouldn’t make a peep until 6 a.m. when we let her out.
We’d go to Church. She’d go in her pen.
We’d go to something like a soccer game, show, or party at someone’s house. She’d go in her pen.
If she went to my Dad’s house when he kindly said he would watch her while we’re on vacation. She’d go in her pen.
It was a beautiful thing. Now? It ain’t so beautiful. She still goes to her pen on command, but she sit there, shakes, drools, and acts as if we’re never, ever letting her out.
Re- crate training the dog has become quite the issue in our house. 80% of the household members think we should forget the crate and focus on making her well-behaved without a crate. They say we should close the doors upstairs, gate off the basement (where there’s carpet she can pee on), and let her roam. The argument is, “she’ll just hop up a chair or couch and sleep as-if she’s in her crate.” She’s not allowed on furniture, but she hops up onto the furniture whenever we’re not looking. This group of people also think she needs anxiety treats or CBD oil to cope.
20% of the people in my house say (a) she’s a dog, (b) she was crate trained once and she can be crate trained again, and (c) he wants to prove that dogs can be trained to do anything. Dogs are animals designed for behavior modification and it takes patience and consistency. 20% of the people in my house (OK …that’s me if you haven’t figured out the math, by now) know that a dog can be trained to go-get-the-paper or trained to sit-and-stay in one spot for a loooooong time while the master eats. What I’m saying is . . . with some work and patience, she can be a crate dog, again.
Keep visiting my Blog for updates. That will be my Christmas present to myself …a dog that stays calm in her crate (like the old days), although it might be needed before Christmas if everyone goes back to school and work.
Project 47, Part 1: Push-Ups, Sit-Ups, Burpees
For my 47th birthday, I’m starting a “thing.” Regular readers know I’m big on people having “things.” Some people do their “thing” accidentally, but some others invent them. Some of my things include making coffee with Aeropress, my lawn, and Twitter. Sorry (not sorry). I love Twitter.
I have a new thing?
Project 47.
You may remember Project 44 and Project 46? No? Of course you don’t remember those. It’s OK. But if you want to know what Project 47 is (and how it relates to Project 44 and Project 46), let me explain.
Project 47: Build a series of new habits rooted in the number 47. Why? Why not!?!?!
“47” because I’m about to turn 47-years-old. Project 47 is nothing more than some new goal-setting. I call them Mid-Year Resolutions (luckily my July 11th birthday falls at the mid-point of the year, but if you’ve ever made New Year’s Resolutions, take this opportunity to review your year and set yourself up for an amazing second-half of the year . . . not that 2020 needs that’s – sarcasm).
Maybe you laugh at the idea and maybe you’re the type of person that gets something in your mind and you just do it. Good for you. But most people, I’ve found, like to identify a starting point. Like New Year’s Resolutions. Their birthday. Right after Labor Day. When we get Back to School and summer’s over. The start of each quarter or month.
I also think success is a percentages game. Plan many things. Make yourself promise after promise. You’ll fail on some. You’ll change your mind on some. But some of the things will stick and you’ll be pretty happy with what you accomplish.
My Project 47:
- 47 Push-Ups Per Day for 47 Straight Days
- Day 2 it took me 2min 11seconds to do all 47 push-ups. A few times I took a rest. The final 10 were very, very difficult
- 47 (Full) Sit-Ups Per Day for 47 Straight Days
- followed by a 47-second plank
- followed by a 47-second leg lift
- 47 Burpees Per Day
- Set Morning Alarm for 5:47 a.m.
- Be in bed with my eyes closed at 10:47 a.m. (gives me 7 hours of sleep)
And I’ll be adding to it. Make your own Project. Maybe use “2020” as a theme. Make habits that coincide with the months of the year (ie “in July, the 7th month of the year, I’m doing to do __________ 7 times”).
Good luck and I hope you’ll play along with me.
Inspiring Stuff, Part 1: Walk-Up Music
Today is Day-3 of “I Love Don Week” and I’m changing it up. Instead of you giving things to me, today, I’m giving something to you. The gift …of music.
You all know what a Walk-Up Song is, right? It’s rooted in baseball and when you’re at the ballpark, it’s the music that plays as a batter walks from the on-deck circle (warm-up area) to the batters-box (the area where a batter stands when he’s up-to-bat). I love this concept. An old boss of mine did, too, and she (I think it was S.A.) once asked us all in a meeting to share our “walk-up music.” If I played in Major League Baseball, my walk-up music would be my obsession. Sure, the money and fame would be great, but my favorite part would be my walk-up and the accompanying music.
My current boss brought back the walk-up music idea and for a few weeks everyone’s been sharing their own, personal walk-up music. I would bet most people don’t obsess over it like I do.
“Walk-Up Music” is about self-confidence. About believing in yourself. My top-choice has always been “Greatest Man That Ever Lived” by Weezer. Sing it at the top of your lungs before you’re about to do something you’re not fully confident you can do and tell me your mindset doesn’t change. Not only is it the perfect song, the video (embedded below) adds another layer. Everyone in the video doing all those amazing, high-flying things …each of them fell down many, many, many . . . many times. But they kept at it. Kept falling. Kept failing. Kept making mistakes and then, one day, they stuck the landing. I’m in sales and while my fails don’t include broken ankles and arms, there are wipeouts. A good salesperson picks him or herself up, brushes off the snow, and tries again.
I hope you have a walk-up song of your own that fills you with confidence and makes you feel happy inside. A song that inspires you to be the best version of yourself and reminds you how lucky you are to be alive and that people love you.
I love you. Enjoy some good, motivating music.
“Bang” by AJR (I LOVE this new song …it’s about “going out with a bang” …a perfect theme for the rest of 2020). Oh, and it’s a cool video.
So put your best face on, everybody
Pretend you know this song, everybody
Come hang, let’s go out with a bang!
Bang! Bang! Bang!
I’m way too young to lie here forever
I’m way too old to try, so whatever
Come hang (Come hang), let’s go out with a bang!
“I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred (my first-ever walk-up song)
“Sexy and I Know It” by LMFAO (wish I wrote this song)
“Greatest Man That Ever Lived” by Weezer with lyrics I want you to pay attention to
I can take on anybody
I can do my thing
I don’t want to hurt nobody
But a bee has got to sting
I’mma fix it if you mix it up, hoo hoo
Talk smack and I’m-a-gonna shut you up, hoo hoo
I am the greatest man that ever lived
I was born to give
I am the greatest man that ever lived
Oh radioactive
“Somebody said all the world’s a stage and each of us is a player
That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you
In act one, I was struggling to survive. Nobody wanted my action dead or alive
In act two, I hit the big time and bodies be all up on my behind
And I can’t help myself cuz I was born to shine
If you don’t like it, you can shove it. But you don’t like it, you love it
So I’ll be up here in a rage until they put the curtain down on the stage”
(I am the greatest man that ever lived)
I am the greatest man that ever lived
I was born to give and give and give
I am the greatest man that ever lived
Radioac …dioac …dioac …dioac
I am the greatest man that ever lived
I was born to give
Ho
BONUS TRACK, “I Gotta Be Me” by Sammy Davis Jr. (this is for the people who think I try too hard to be noticed or who think I’m a big phony)
Dad Stuff, Part 6: Good, Cheap, Ice Cold Beer
I miss the old days when beer was beer. Beer was mostly Bud Light or Miller Lite (well, actually where I’m from it could’ve also been Budweiser, Strohs, or Schlitz . . . I think those were the brands because those were the sturdy cardboard boxes I kept my Hotwheels in).
I’m as guilty as the next middle-aged-white-guy with a job and find myself almost embarrassed to have Budweiser ….in a can (gasp) …in my fridge. Lately, I feel like I have to apologize for it. Like, “oh, I keep Molson in my beer fridge only for when my father-in-law comes over …can I offer you a Roak French Toast Stout . . . don’t you just LOVE Roak’s take on a stout?”
In my head I’m screaming, “nooooooo … that Molson is MINE!!! And I want it. I want you to want one. And we can drink it fast and have a second. And a third.”
Good, cheap beer is American! It smacked me in the face this Fourth of July weekend as I was sitting on a pontoon boat and feeling soooooo full that I didn’t even want another 16 oz. can of Contemplation Honey Ale by Brewery Vivant. In fact, I physically couldn’t have another. My belly was full.
And I thought, shit, beer should be bottomless on a hot, summer day. Ales, Lagers, IPAs, Stouts, and Porters cannot be enjoyed 6, 8, or 10 at a time. No. That’s where classic American cheap cold beer reigns supreme. Everyone always talks about going to Europe and loving the beer. Fine. Enjoy it when you’re in Europe. But here? Where baseball is our national past-time? Where backyard grilling and purposely getting fat is a tradition? Well, so is cheap, cold, American beer.
So I’ll spend the rest of the scorching summer determining which of the light beers is my favorite and make sure my fridge is always stocked with it. When you come over …we’ll have one or two and we won’t tell your Beer Club friends. I have this idea where a friend will stop by with a 12 pack, we’ll throw it in a cooler of ice, and we’ll drink and laugh and tell stories. Or, someone will invite me over and I’ll bring the beer. Two six packed that I’ll be carrying in the plastic six-pack rings.
Some call them “yard beers”, defined as the perfect type of beer to drink while working around the house. I also think of a “yard beer” as the type you’ll have chilled in a beer fridge in your garage and happily offer to a neighbor and complain about wealthy athletes, other neighbors, maybe politics, the heat, and work . . . and before you know it you and you’re neighbor will have polished off 2 or 3 light beers while talking over the back fence in your yard.
They must be in cans. Oh, and price-per-beer is a major factor. Gotta be CHEAP.
Here’s the candidates (so far)
- Michelob Ultra, 95 calories, 4.20% ABV
- Busch Light, 95 calories, 4.10% ABV
- Natural Light, 95 calories, 4.20% ABV
- Miller Lite, 96 calories, 4.20% ABV
- Coors Light, 102 calories, 4.20% ABV
- Miller High Life Light, 107 calories, 4.10% ABV
- Bud Light, 110 calories, 4.20% ABV
- Labatt Blue Light, 111 calories, 4.00% ABV
So I’ll spend the rest of the scorching summer determining which of the light beers is my favorite and make sure my fridge is always stocked with it. When you come over …we’ll have one or two and we won’t tell your Beer Club friends. I have this idea where a friend will stop by with a 12 pack, we’ll throw it in a cooler of ice, and we’ll drink and laugh and tell stories. Or, someone will invite me over and I’ll bring the beer. Two six-packs that I’ll be carrying in the plastic six-pack rings.
Dad Stuff, Part 5: Gambling with Kids
Teaching your kids to gamble is important. Remember that classic episode of Leave it to Beaver where Ward took the Beaver downtown and they threw dice in a dark alley? Gambling is as old as time. I might be joking, but not completely. Maybe this is a Blog entry for another time – the benefits of teaching kids to gamble.
I did, however, make a big wager with my kids. It’s crazy. I threw down the gauntlet I didn’t need to throw down. The stakes…
Dad (that’s me) will not eat after dinner until our vacation in August.
Now my family is on snack-watch and every night they try to tempt me with various goodies and snacks. It has been one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. That’s not hyperbole.
I’m a late night snacker. On a typical night, after dinner, I’ll have a bowl of chips (300 calories) and two popsicles (75 calories). Or I’ll have half a pint of ice cream (600 calories). If there are cookies, I’ll have three (no idea how many calories because homemade chocolate chip cookies don’t have labels). Or my favorite – a big bowl of stove popped popcorn with butter and salt. I’ve often said I eat in order to have my mouth moving and keep myself awake. I probably should just go to bed. Or do some sit-ups. Or do anything productive besides just stuffing food in my face
I wonder what percentage of people eat in the evenings?
It’s been 14-days since I made this wager against my family. They all bet $20 against me (a beer or two or a drink DO NOT count).
Not eating in the evenings impacts your health. What I’ve noticed is that I am sleeping a hundred times better. That math is perfect. It’s exactly 100 times better. And I’m losing weight and feel better when I wake up.
My life is all about extremes. I do all or nothing. It’s probably why I burnout on half the things I start. I’ll call this Extreme Zero Snacking. It’s good for me, I know it. Just like when I decided rather than eat healthy I would just become vegetarian. Again … all or nothing. Is it OK to call something “Kamikaze” these days? That’s what my plans are. Either I will win this bet against my family and have $80 to spend on something stupid, or I will lose and I will go down in a blaze of glory one night and eat two bowls of chips, a full pint of ice cream, drink pop and gorge on a giant bowl of popcorn (for the record, when I eat a big bucket of salty popcorn I wake up more hungover than if I drink a glass-and-a-half of red wine …FACT).
Updates coming. I have more than a month still to go.
What’s the craziest, dumbest, most-pointless thing you’ve ever committed to for no reason? What are your thoughts on gambling with kids? Do you snack in the evenings?
Also I’m composing this with Google’s Gboard that’s installed on my iPhone and I am dictating into Google Docs. It’s absolutely incredible. The most accurate and FREE dictation software-slash-App I’ve found. This entire Blog entry was dictated into my phone and then I just quick edited it and posted it. Tomorrow I’ll quick give readers a how-to on that.
Don Kowalewski 