Dad Stuff, Part 10: I Own a Chest Freezer

I see it and hear it. I’m not blind or deaf. I know when I’m at parties and I walk up to a group of people and they’re talking about their chest freezers, they stop talking as I approach. They look around and won’t make eye contact. They try to pretend they were talking about something else and I can feel the tension. Everyone is very uncomfortable talking about their chest freezers in front of me knowing I don’t have one. My wife knows this shame, too. How many times has she heard other Moms talk about going to Costco and stocking up on frozen meats, vegetables, and fruits, completely insensitive to the fact we have only the freezer that came with our fridge and we don’t have room for extra stuff? No doubt it’s impacted our marriage.

But no more.

We have a chest freezer, now!!! #ChestFreezerLife. This is a gamechanger. We’ve talked about it for years but it just never felt like the right time to buy a chest freezer (is there really a wrong time to buy one?). “Maybe for Christmas,” we said.  “Maybe this summer,” we’d say. But then we’d put it off and put it off using excuses like the expense and where to put said chest freezer as a reason to put off making the purchase and the decision. 

What fools we were!!!  A chest freezer pays for itself in less than a year, especially for a carnivorous family of five that also likes smoothies (made with frozen fruit, duh). Look at the picture on the right. Look!  Frozen fruit galore from Costco along with chicken, ground turkey, and a variety box of ice cream treats – that box of ice cream treats would never fit in the simple, ol’ fashioned freezer in our kitchen.

Bring on another shelter-in-place. We’re ready. Bring on a food shortage. No shortage at our house. Bring on grandkids because we have ice cream. OK. No. We’re not ready for grandkids, yet.

This is my open letter to my fellow chest freezer folk …I’m with you, now. Did you buy an entire cow? Tell me about it. Did your uncle come back from hunting season and beg you to take venison burgers and sausages? Did you happen to see the “manager’s special” on ribs at your grocery store and do you want to tell me how much you paid per pound? I sooooo want hear it, now.  I’m a chest-freezerman. That’s what we do. Look? I saw bread on sale, so I bought an extra loaf. I know! So smart.

I’m officially a grown-up. Feels great.

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