Don Kowalewski
Writer. Ad Sales and Marketing. Social Media Content Creator. Aeropress Coffee. Makes the best salsa in the world.
The Original Dog Whisperer
Right around the holidays, I got tired of being laughed at for complaining about my dog. I didn’t like being laughed at, yet I wasn’t doing anything to make it stop. I admit …I don’t like dog ownership. I’m not a dog lover. I learned this with my first dog.
Fresh outta college, some 20 years ago, my wife and I thought, “we need a dog.” So we got a dog. It’s what Yuppies do. We got a beagle. We spoiled the beagle. The beagle wasn’t trained. We did just about everything wrong. That dog drove me insane. It was obnoxious and disobedient (totally the dog’s fault, right?). I grew to almost hate the dog and resent it. Then we had a baby. Then we had another. Then another (3 kids under the age of 4) and this dog had a hankering for diapers and if ever, absentmindedly, we left a stray diaper laying about and not secured inside the Diaper Genie, the dog would rip it to shreds and I’d be cleaning up microbeeds, urine soaked tissue paper, and …worse …poop. But wait …there’s more. Within a half-hour, I would be cleaning up dog throw-up, full of diapery goodness. I blamed it all on the horrible dog and convinced myself we had a defective, dumb, and useless beagle. I opined and that if wee were beagle owners 100 years ago when breeders were inventing the beagle, certainly this one would’ve run away or would not have been allowed to breed with the other beagles to create the perfect breed.
I hated the dog so much, I wondered if I’d be a good parent* (a good question after having a third child, right?).
I gave the dog to the Michigan Humane Society. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I felt a little guilty, but that dog was so cute and beautiful, I told myself, “oh, she’ll get adopted.” And that was that. I made a mistake (buying a dog). I fixed my mistake (got rid of the dog). I justified it that dogs are animals. No different than a raccoon or rat. A rodent we domesticated. And I told myself that people who like dogs and cats and willingly let an animal into their homes, and use hard earned money to feed and care for a damn dog …ha! Those people are idiots. Read More
Lent
It’s here. Lent. For my entire life, it was a 40-day window leading up to Easter where you (a) don’t eat meat on Friday’s and (b) give-up something. Like candy.
I’m 42 years old. It’s about time Lent was about more than giving up candy or giving up yelling at my kids.
For me, Lent comes at a good time. Right about now is when I start to fall-off on the New Year’s Resolutions. Lent gives me a chance to reset and refocus. Lent, however, is a little different because New Year’s Resolutions aren’t typically spiritual or soul-searching. I’ve created a list of deep, enriching goals for Lent. I’m setting goals for my personal life and my work life.
Here’s the list.
- Eliminate Facebook and replace those moments with something more fulfilling.
- Train my dog 15 minutes a day (3x 5-minute sessions)
- Don’t eat or snack after dinner
- Write/blog for a 1/2-hour daily
- Call 2 friends or family members each day
- Pray at bedtime with all three of my children.
- Do nothing non-work-related withing the 8:30 a.m. – 5:30 p.m. window and do nothing work-related in the remaining hours of my day.
- As I fast, begin things, and eliminate things, I will ask myself, as Pope Francis is encouraging us, how can I help others with this?
- 40 New Business Appointments
Each day, I’ll explore one and the ‘why’ behind it.
Lenten Promise #1: Eliminate Facebook
Some might laugh. Is this a big deal? Sure, I use Facebook for work, a little – to research companies and keep tabs on what’s important to clients and keep tabs on what’s going on with the radio stations I sell. But if I’m honest with myself (and I have kept a journal from time to time), Facebook interferes with real, important things. Sometimes I find myself looking at my phone while my son is talking to me and he has to repeat himself. Sometimes my entire family is simultaneously looking at their phones and devices. Sometimes I’ll go into a coffee shop with a goal of checking my work email, making a couple of calls, and then 15-minutes or a half-hour later, I’ve only checked Facebook. I spend brain power thinking of funny, clever things to post. I relish when I’m at a party or socializing and someone says, “you’re so funny on Facebook.” Pure ego. I’m ashamed to admit it. But it’s true.
Eliminating Facebook will give me back, at least, an hour each day. Does that sound sad? To many, I think it sounds realistic (if they truly examined their use). Oh, it happens at a red-light for a second or two. It happens in the Starbucks drive-through. It happens, just for a minute or two at work. It happens in the evening.
This isn’t me declaring Facebook and social media is evil or that my life is lesser because of it. It’s about taking away something that, let’s face it, is fun and entertaining, but adds nothing to my life. If Zuckerberg, today, at this moment, decided he’d made enough billions and turned off Facebook, for good ….we’d all be OK. Likely, as I’ll be doing during Lent, we’d keep up with Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn and Snapchat (things I’m not giving up). We’d still find ways to waste time, communicate, and keep tabs on each other.
This is nothing more than “giving up coffee”. Or “going to bed by 10:30 every night.”
That’s it. I’m not going to be driving an electric car and making my own clothes, next. And on Easter, I’ll be back on Facebook having fun. See you then. Have a great Lent.
A Reflection on the Life of My Uncle Jerry
Uncle Jerry was like a second father to me. I didn’t necessarily need a second father, because I have a great Dad, but it’s a blessing when a guy (me) has many guiding hands and influences. I was blessed.
My Uncle Jerry had a massive stroke on Wednesday, January 27th, and six days later, on February 2nd, he was called to Heaven. Over the years, I’ve been asked to deliver a few eulogies, a few wedding toasts, and to speak at some other events. Each time I’m asked, I’m completely flattered and humbled. And each time I’m asked, I’m anxious, afraid, and intimidated because it’s never easy. When asked, especially when it’s someone close to me and special to me, the pressure comes in finding the right words and the right story that will reflect well on that person’s legacy, personality, and memory.
It’s luck, really. I’m lucky that I’ve had amazing people in my life, so when I write from the heart, their lives, when put into words, make me look good. I just tell it like I see it.
So here I sit on the eve of Lent, and I can’t help but think of my Uncle Jerry and what a proud and good Catholic he was. As I talk about in my reflection, he wasn’t the type who made a point to tell you how Christian and Catholic he was. Instead, he spoke to his faith through actions and in the way he lived.
I share this because my Uncle Jerry was goodness and honesty personified. He could’ve been Lutheran, Baptist, Protestant, or, heck, he could’ve been Buddhist. He happened to be Catholic and he listened. He reflected. And then he lived.
It’s not hyperbole or exaggeration when I say he really was a better person than I may ever be. It wasn’t just me who thought that. His friend (also named Jerry) agreed and his reflection was much the same as mine. And his brother Roger skipped much of the reflection he’d written, because Jerry and I had already covered the basics.
If you’re thinking about Lent, and how you’ll use these next 40 days to repent, reflect, and look inward, I invite you to meet my Uncle Jerry. Read about how he made a difference with his life and watch an incredible video shot only a few weeks before he was called to Heaven.
Read the reflection and watch the video here.
Then …have a wonderful Lent.
Thinking About Lent
Start: 8:13am.
Sometimes it takes a major life event or catastrophe to snap a person out of a malaise. This past week dealt a blow to me and my family when we lost my Uncle Jerry to a massive and completely unexpected stroke. To learn a little about what he meant to soooooo many people, you can read my thoughts here.
Why now? Is it cliche to wonder, hmmmm, if I so admired my Uncle Jerry, should I reflect and work to bring more great things from his life into mine? Why not? Or should I wait for a better occasion? A new year? Or next month?
The time is now.
Losing someone who was so impactful on my life, and praying and praying while he was fighting to beat back the stroke, and then praying after he left us that his soul would arrive safely and deservedly in heaven makes the mind reflect on a great many things. Among them, well, first and foremost, is my wondering if I truly appreciate all my gifts, am I living fully and to my full potential, and what things can I add to my life and what things can I eliminate from my life to make life better?
We’re on the doorstep of Lent, a time when Christians and Catholics fast and perform penance for 40 days until Easter. Non-theistic life coaches say, “30 days to make anything a habit.” It’s time for spiritual and personal renewal. On all fronts.
I’m going to make these next 40+ days count and will improve myself. Things I’m considering . . .
- Give up Facebook
- Train my dog 15 minutes a day (3x 5-minute sessions)
- Don’t eat or snack after dinner
- Write/blog for a 1/2-hour daily
- Call 2 friends or family members each day
- Do nothing non-work-related withing the 8:30 a.m. – 5:30 p.m. window and do nothing work-related in the remaining hours of my day.
- As I fast, begin things, and eliminate things, I will ask myself, as Pope Francis is encouraging us, how can I help others with this?
Today is Monday. Wednesday begins Lent. I have 40 hours until Lent begins to reflect on and pray about how I will improve myself over these 40 days.
End: 8:28am.
Monday. Master the Mundane. Mold My Mutt.
Lotta stuff in my brain right now. The biggest things are thoughts of my Uncle who suffered a major stroke last Wednesday night. You won’t meet a more sharp-minded, curious, energized, happy, and intelligent person than he. He’s everyone’s favorite person. I think that’s the right way to put it . . . everyone loves him. When he enters a room, everyone and everything in that room is suddenly just a little better. I could go on and on and on . . .but for now, be you theistic or atheistic, if you have spare prayers or good thoughts, please use them for my Uncle. He’s four days into what will be a long, long journey to a new and unknown reality. And while praying for him, pray for my Aunt (his wife) and my cousins, as well.
Now with that seriousness out of the way, any time something tragic happens, I can’t help but take stock in my own life, my path, and my attitude. Am I unnecessarily negative when I shouldn’t be? Am I taking advantage of all the gifts I’ve been given? Am I approaching life and every situation in my life with joy and curiosity? Do I fully express myself and tell people how much they mean to me?
May this Monday be different. I can tell you this – the weekend was.
I hit the gym (Planet Fitness, my new favorite planet) at 5:30 this morning.
I spent a few minutes training my dog, this morning, based on the lessons I’m learning from the book The Dog Whisperer written by the “original dog whisperer”, Paul Owens. I always complain about my dog, but I don’t do anything about it!!! My boss, J.L., is famous (famous to me, anyway) for using the quote that, “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” I’m halfway through the book and the first half was spent entirely on the philosophy behind non-violent dog training and what I’ve picked up is this – my dog and I are not friends. I can’t simply expect the dog to be love me and listen to me. I need to make the dog my friend. Train a little every day. Play a little every day. Make the dog love being around me and making me happy. Until now, that damn dog has been an annoyance. And the more annoyed I get and the less time I spend with the dog, the problem multiplies. And the thing is . . . she’s a good dog even with a complete lack of training. It won’t take much for me to make her a perfect walking companion, to stop her from jumping on people and peeing on the floor when guests arrive, and she might even be up for some tricks.
Next up, I watched this from Darren Hardy. He challenged me the right way I needed to be challenged today.
How can you master the mundane? How can you turn it into a game, a personal contest or give it extra passion, effort or mastery to gain some joy from it?
His challenge echos something my boss challenged me with last week. Bring myself (personality, strengths, special gifts) to my work. I’m “Don”. The good and bad, it’s who I am. Perhaps I was getting bogged down comparing myself to everyone else, but only to those achieving more, and was talking myself into failure and convincing myself I was failing.
With everything that happened last week and this weekend, to one of the happiest and most joyful people I’ve ever known, I owe it to him and myself to wake up and live with passion and purpose. I remember I asked him one time about happiness at work and finding a job that makes me happy (a very Gen X thought-process) and I assumed, as a career Engineer, he’d be able to relate about having a ho-hum, mundane job and could offer some tips on rising above the daily grind. But you know what he told me? He said, “I’ve always kinda liked my job. I enjoy being presented with a problem and then working to find a solution. And isn’t that really the basics of every job? So, because I like math and science, this job is always new and challenging, and perfect for me.”
I need to pin that quote to my shirt. No. I need to live and work like I heard him and understand.
And, finally, I found a great podcast to add to your feed – The Art of Manliness. Good stuff. No. Great stuff.
Let’s have a great day. Let’s have a great life.
Follow me @donkowalewski or find me on Snapchat, username ‘donkowalewski.’
Joyful. Happy. Healthy. Today.
Life can change overnight. For my uncle, last night, life might have changed. I realize I’m being vague, but I’m not sure what I can share (or should share) right now.
If you’ve figured anything out about me, by now, you know I write to cope. I write to organize my thoughts. I write to create and imagine, and it makes me happier. For you non-writers, that’s a real thing. Read this amazing article from Janna Marlies Maron when she wrote a guest post for Jeff Goins on his blog.
I liked the article because it made me feel less silly about blogging all the time. You’d think because we live in a Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram world and everyone makes everything public, I wouldn’t be self conscious …but at times I feel a little dopey being a man in his 40s and I’ve been blogging for 10+ years and really don’t have any readers.
No different than a diary, right?
The point of all this is . . . I’m sad. My uncle is battling right now. I don’t like change when things change for the worse. We all have struggles and battles and we say we live with the approach of living each day like it’s our last …which for me would mean eating a Penn Station Philly cheesesteak and fries for breaksfast, lunch, second lunch, dinner, and late night snack. But I will, instead, spend my day living as if I want thousands more days and live today so that tonight when I go to bed I’m not going to be thinking of all the things I should’ve done, or calls I should’ve made, or hugs I should’ve given.
Ahem. Yes. It starts with getting off the social media and writing a blog entry. But that’s my therapy, motivation, and daily to-do list organizer all in one.
One final thing that I added into Evernote, and it seemed timely, was this daily assignment from Darren Hardy in his Darren Daily emails. Seems like a good to-do list.
Listen here.
Action For Today – Write down three things each that make you…
- Happier
- Healthier
- More joyful
. . . pick one each and do them today.
Now, write down the names of your top 3 team members and ask, “what is one thing I can do today to help them be either . . . ”
- Happier
Healthier
More joyful
Pick one each and do it for them today.
Oh, Great, I Like Another Band That Typically Appeals to Teen Girls
Why!?!?! Why did I happen in A.K.’s office on Friday and why did the conversation get hijacked and turn towards my juvenile taste in music? Why, when I talked about Weezer and their upcoming tour, did it somehow take a detour and I found myself saying, “Weezer is touring with Panic At the Disco, and I’m a big fan of them, too?” At that confession, I should’ve been laughed at, but instead, A.K. says, “oh, Panic’s good. I forgot …you’re into those emo bands.”
Well, yes and no. I like Weezer. I like Panic. I like Fall Out Boy. With that list, A.K. says, “oh, then you have to check out The 1975 (learn about them here), a poppy, emo, band blowing up on the U.K.” In the article I linked, here’s two quotes . . .
But you don’t have to be a kid to like them: the 1975 were a band I expected to hate when I first heard that album.
If this is the album (their second album being released next monty) that determines whether the 1975 become U2 or Big Country, they’ve staked everything on the former outcome.
We took a road trip over the weekend and, well, I fell in love. To me, The 1975 is a little bit FOB, a little bit Duran Duran, and emo and glam and fun and brooding. Oh. They’re perfect. When they come the U.S., eventually, Taylor Swift is going to make sure you know about them and that you’ll like them, and I’ll greet them at the airport while holding a hand-painted sign.
Why can’t I just like Wilco and Death Cab like the rest of my fellow 40-somethings?
To my readers …meet The 1975.
It’s Going to be an Awesome Year
Look! My son and I built a giant green-screen. Why? No reason at all. OK. There’s a reason. Back when I was doing alot of writing, I bought myself a writing desk and a very nice and fast computer. I put that writing desk and computer in my bedroom (so I’d have a retreat where I could write away from everyone). The computer is still there …in my bedroom. It’s a nice computer. All the kids use it for homework. I use it for all my music and family video files and fast Internet computing. And my son uses it for gaming (and when I say “gaming”, I mean for Minecraft). Playing Minecraft and watching others play Minecraft. If you know a boy somewhere between the ages of 8 and 14, you’ll know the second best thing to playing Minecraft is watching videos on YouTube of other people playing Minecraft and making all sorts of funny comments. If you’re over the age of 20, you and I both think that’s ridiculous.
But …stay with me. Sometime around Thanksgiving I saw J.J. Abrams (director of the new Star Wars and many, many other awesome things) and he talked about being young and “not much into sports” but rather into making skits and borrowing his parent’s video camera and making funny movies. At the same time, my son was asking, “how can I make a video of my screen,” and, “can I have YouTube channel to make Minecraft videos?” Now, some parents would say, “no, get outside and run around,” or they might laugh off the whole thing and call it, “too much video games and computer and screen time.”
I’m choosing, instead, to look at it as my son exploring his creative side. I asked him what his vision for the YouTube channel is. Why he wants one? And then asked, “how can I help?”
Back to what I was saying . . . he has a webcam and he Skypes with his friends and my bedroom is in the background, so the green-screen was sorta born of the idea I don’t want to have his friends looking in on my bedroom. But the other thing is, it’s allowed us …together …to build it, figure out how to layer video-image sources, take out the “green” and do all sorts of fun things. We worked together to figure out how to properly light it so his bedroom is like a little mini TV studio. Yes. Last weekend we went to a fabric store and hardware store and for $13, got everything we needed to build the green-screen.
*** Note: There’s a sinister motive behind this, too. It’s my idea that the computer should be downstairs in our family room in a little area that is set-off from the rest of the room and makes a nice little office. My wife disagrees. Perhaps having to navigate around a giant green-screen in our bedroom will change her mind. Heh, heh, heh. I’m a jerk.
We did it! 2016 is already a success. Look at my son’s first attempt. I hope the Golden Globes are paying attention. This kid is on his way.
A Weekend Thought on Happiness
I went into the weekend with a plan. Here’s that plan.
- Wake up early and exercise hard.
- Enjoy coffee after the workout.
- Make breakfast for my kids.
- Clean the kitchen.
- Straighten up the house.
- Work on a “green screen” with my son.
- Get the Christmas tubs down so put Christmas into storage.
- Have a meatloaf sandwich for lunch.
- Help take a few Christmas decorations down.
- Surf the web and think of something to blog about.
- Get ready for Church.
- Go to church.
- Come home and eat and sit on the couch watching NFL playoffs until midnight.
- Drink two Manhattans.
I’ve read a hundred articles on what “successful people do to ensure the best weekend” and “tips to making the most of the weekend.” The key is always, “have a plan.”
I have a plan. I’ve stuck to it. I’m having a great Saturday. This isn’t always the case. Dang! I like this. I’m happy.
And I’ll leave you with this thought from Scott Westerman.
Scott’s Life Maxim #1: Happiness is not the destination. Happiness is the path. Purpose is the map. Passion is the fuel. You are the driver. Every road taken includes bumps and potholes. Why not decide to buckle up, take the wheel and enjoy the ride?
This Blog Doesn’t Look Good
This blog doesn’t look very good. I tell people, “oh, hey, I’m a blogger, and a freelance ghost-writer, and social media expert,” and I can’t imagine what they think if they come to my blog. They see a grey, lifeless layout without much content, without a picture of me, and without all the other things bloggers would tell you a blog should have.
Why?
And visitors here also see a blog without a mission or purpose. A blog missing a mission and purpose is a definite no-no.
Recently I listened to Tim Ferriss’s Podcast with Derek Sivers and thought, “oh, man, that’s what I need to do.” Look at his webpage (or is it his blog)! Is it nice and pretty like Heather Havenwood’s, Rochelle Melander’s, or Marlena’s pages? No. But it has a purpose. Derek Sivers has a bio, a bragging bio, lists of blog posts, and lists of books and various other things her reviews. Essentially, if you like what David Sivers is about, then you’ll like his page and all the supporting pages.
My blog? Well, if you like what I’m about, my blog doesn’t really reflect what I’m about and if you don’t know what I’m about …again, the blog doesn’t tell you crap about me.
If the only thing I accomplish in 2016 is making my blog nice-looking, organized, and representative of what I do …it’ll be a win. 30-minutes a day. That’s it. In 365 days, it’ll mean I spend 182 hours (or the equivalent of 7 1/2 days working on my blog) and that should mean some sort of progress.
Construction. Begins. Now. Where can I find a “Men at Work” sign.
Don Kowalewski 