Random Stuff, Part 4: Brad Pitt Sucks

Recently I decided I don’t like Brad Pitt. It sucks to say that. Cuz he’s in two of my favorite movies (Fight Club and Ocean’s Eleven). He’s dated some of the most beautiful women ever. He seems funny. But he also has had his problems …with drinking, I think (I’m not going to look it up). He’s had some really bad, public break-ups. It makes him human.

All was good and then, in the past year, he was doing some roof repairs (without a shirt) in the movie Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, looked ridiculously amazing, and then the last straw was his recent appearance on Celebrity IOU.

First. The rooftop scene. The dude is in his 50s. He’s old. And look …

brad pitt sucks
Flaunting his healthy eating and exercise …rubbing it in my face.

But what really made me hate Brad Pitt was the Celebrity IOU. The premise of the show is something like, “rich, famous celebrity does something really cool and nice for someone special in his life.” In this case, Brad “The Pits” Pitt has a woman that has done his make-up for decades. I don’t even have a make-up lady to make me look good. It seems Hollywood folk need that.  Hmmm. Maybe if I had a make-up person who made me look handsome(r) every day, I could look that good. Chicken and egg, thing.

A guy that looks as good as Brad Pitt, I guess, needs consistency and someone he can trust. His make-up lady seems like a super, super lady. A simple woman. A humble woman. She just seems to love what she does. She’s not a millionaire. She has a nice house out in Hollywood and on her property, she has a storage garage. I picture Brad “Jerk-Face” Pitt sitting in her make-up chair, year after year, and his make-up lady probably prattles on and on about how, “someday I’ll convert that shed into a make-up studio and a guest house and you can crash out there when you come over.”

Brad Pitt is supposed to be distant. Aloof. Patronizing in this situation. Upon leaving her chair, not even realize she was talking because she’s so beneath him.

Oh, but not Brad “Look How Cool I Am” Pitt. He “loves” her (his word). He’s “always wished” he could “repay her for everything she’s meant to him.”

So what does he do? Drops a couple hundred thousand dollars in the lap of the Property Brothers and they remodel the garage into the most kick-ass make-up studio-slash-guest house you’ll ever see. Brad “I Probably Have E.D.” Pitt sheds a few tears when he sees it. He helped with some of the work (with his shirt on …actually two shirts …one long-sleeve white shirt under a short sleeve Henley type thing …and it looked cool as F …I’m totally gonna try out that look …) …but I digress.

See what I mean? Total jerk. It’s only fun when celebrities suck and have problems so despite them being better-looking, rich, and envied by all, at least we can always find some way I am better than them. I mean “we” are better than them. I assume everyone feels like I do.

There! It’s officially out in the open. I hate Brad Pitt for being cool, handsome, super-fit, nice, humble, funny, giving and charitable and still with amazing hair in his mid-50s.

Join me next time when I’ll tell you why I hate teachers and puppies – as if it’s not totally obvious. Oh, and feel free to leave a Comment if I’ve missed something else to hate about Brad “Destroyed By This Blog” Pitt.

Still not convinced …watch the clip below. You’ll want to punch him. I warn you.

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