Reasons Not to Worry by Brigid Delaney

“Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people whom fate bring you together, but do so with all your heart.”

I’m going to start doing book reports. For you? Maybe. But mostly for me. Some of my favorite authors and gurus are big on this. Lots of notes. Lots of documentation. If a book is really good, this is how they get certain lessons to stick. I guess I’m saying, this is for me …but I’d love for comments and interaction.

On vacation I read two books! Yes! Two books in a week! For me? That’s amazing. I’m good for about a book-a-month. And typically, vacations are spent day-drinking …and dinner-drinking …and evening-drinking ..and late-night-drinking …and so not much reading gets done. However, my 50-year-old Spring Break 2024 was my first attempt at a “Healthy Vacation’ and that meant exercise, good food, and 80% less drinking, which led to better sleep, motivation to exercise, a clear mind, and the ability to focus and read.

Book #1 was Reasons Not to Worry by Brigid Delaney. Full disclosure… I’m a worrier. I worry about things I should worry about and I worry about things I shouldn’t worry about …and I invent things to worry about. Usually I do this at 2:00 a.m. For example, I’ll worry about my pre-school-aged kids (they are all 17 years and older at the writing of this book report) and that, when they were younger, and skating on Grandpa’s ice pond, that they could’ve broken through the ice and drowned and how irresponsible I was as a parent in 2012 …to let them skate on a pond in norther Michigan. Things like that. Worry, worry, worry. Covers off. Covers on. My only remedy is usually to put an AirPod in my ear and listen to a boring Podcast or audio book and obviously sleeping with an AirPod and a voice talking in your ear cannot be good sleep and my lack of quality sleep is no doubt going to lead to early onset Alzheimer’s and how early can I develop Alzheimer’s and I can’t ever seem to remember my boss’s kid’s names or simply things my wife tells me so, welp, I might already being showing signs …and there I lay. Awake. Worrying.

Plus, I have someone very important in my life who also worries a bit too much and I want to have some tricks and tips to help that person.

Reasons Not to Worry is all about Stoicism. There’re probably better books on the subject, but Brigid Delaney writes about Stoicism in a very “every-man” and easy-to-digest sorta way. She ties each lesson back to her own life or to life-events I could relate to. The book makes me want to learn more about Stoicism and bring more of it to my life.

Every quote below is from an ancient Stoic (ie Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, etc).

THE BASIC POINT:  Acknowledge that we can’t control much of what goes on in our life.

THE FOLLOW UP POINT:  Our emotions are the product of how we think about the world. Accept that bad things are bound to happen to us from time to time, just as they do to everyone else.  See ourselves as part of a larger whole, not an isolated individual; part of the human race, part of nature.

Think of everything we have as not our own, but simply on loan, that one day will be taken back.

“Whatever can happen at any time can happen today.”

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”

“Your days are numbered. Use them to throw open the windows of your soul to the sun. If you do not, the sun will soon set and you with it.”

“People are frugal in guarding their personal property; but as soon as it comes to squandering time they are most wasteful of the one thing which is right to be stingy.”

I liked the idea of negative visualization, which means think of, and occasionally live in state of, the worst scenario possible. Practice going without …food …limited shelter …Internet …or picture yourself without a job, income, or friends and prepare your mind because, as Stoicism points out over and over, there are so many things out of our control.

“Some things are in our control and others are not.”

“The more we value things outside our control, the less control we have.”

MORE SENECA QUOTES IF INTERESTED:  https://www.sloww.co/seneca-shortness-of-life/

There really is only so much we can control.

What we can control: Our Character. Our Reactions. How we Treat Others.

The book spent some time on the concept of, “don’t be injured twice” …which I took to mean if a bad thing happens, acknowledge and deal with it and then …move on. Don’t linger. Don’t continue to suffer or get all riled up about the thing that happened over and over again. For me, this means letting go of some long-standing hatred and resentment for people that, if I’m being honest, definitely do not let me take up space in their brains …ever. So why do the wrongs done to me keep lingering in my brain? I gotta let them go.

“Most of what we say and do is not essential. If you can eliminate it, you’ll have more time, and more tranquility. Ask yourself at every moment, ‘is this necessary?’”

TO-DO:  WORK ON HOW TO BE RELAXED

• Work for a state of ataraxia …a state of serene calmness.

TO-DO:  WORK ON HOW TO BE GOOD

“The goal of life is living in agreement with nature.”

“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.”

“People are not disturbed by things, but by the views they take of them.”

“Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him.”

TO-DO (and this was my favorite thing):  WORK ON HOW TO BE MODERATE

“And as long as nothing satisfies you, you yourself cannot satisfy others.”

“Eat merely to relieve your hunger; drink merely to quench your thirst; dress merely to keep out the cold; house yourself merely as a protection against personal discomfort.”

MODERATION CONTINUED: EATING (this REALLY, REALLY punched me in the gut)

• Avoid gourmet food
• Eating slowly and mindfully
• Choosing nutritious food over sweet food to strengthen the body rather than please the palate
• Sharing food and not taking a larger portion than is needed

TO-DO:  FASTING (also do it as practice of the worst possible situation)

The first 2/3rds of the book was about Stoicism and then I liked how she applied it to 2024. With lessons like…

HOW TO BE ON SOCIAL MEDIA:  Remember, it’s not real. It doesn’t matter. It never mattered. Plus think of all the time we spend there. Replace that jealousy, anger, and time with something more useful and rewarding.

“I laugh at those who think they can damage me. They do not know who I am, they do not know what I think, they cannot even touch the things which are really mine and with which I live.”

BE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU’VE GOT

“He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.”

“Do not indulge in dreams of having what you have not, but reckon up the chief of the blessings you do possess, and then thankfully remember how you would crave for them if they were not yours.”

BEAT FOMO AND COMPARISONS

“No person has the power to have everything they want, but it is in their power no to want what they don’t have and to cheerfully put to good use what they do have.”

ANXIETY

“Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems.”

LIVING

“Begin at once to live, and count each separate day as a separate life.”

Grieve your loved ones while they are alive. Visualize them dying and give the eulogy in your head. Remember, everything is on loan.

“What we do now echoes in eternity.”

I chose to use more quotes than analysis because why over explain the 2,000 year-old concepts. They are simple and this book was a good introduction to some things, and good reminder of others. It was a great book to read at the start of vacation because I was able to quickly apply many of the lessons and really, really enjoy a relaxing week with my wife and daughter …the important things. And I looked at my phone as little as possible.