I’m Going to Lose Weight and Be In Great Shape

I’m going to lose weight. I’m going to lose so much weight and be in such great shape, you won’t believe it. My stomach will be flat. I’ll start running 5Ks and sprint triathlons, again. I’ll work up to 100 push-ups at a time. I’m going to be amazing. I’ve been telling everyone for months and months that, when I start exercising and eating right …whoa! Look out! I’m going to be my best-self and have the best-life-ever.

Lazy, fat, unmotivated people are what’s bringing me down and just you wait.

But …first. I’m going to eat like a pig. I’m going to sit around and eat some more. I’m going to drink beer and booze. Like, five or six days a week. I’ll have Five Guys for lunch every day for a month. Sugary candy and cookies? Yes, please.

Don’t worry. Short-term fatness is just a bump in the road because I’m going to be soooooooo healthy.

That’s the good thing about my plan and system. It’s going to happen. I will eventually start my healthy eating, exercising, and calorie counting and whenever I start doing it, and things go well, I’ll prove myself right. No matter when I get fit and look great in photos, I can just say that was my plan all along.

I’ll say, “I told you so,” when I get to 150 pounds and get my body fat percentage way, way down.

I’m overweight, now, sure, but it’s not my fault. It was the holidays. And a very cold winter so I couldn’t get outside and exercise or jog. Not my fault.

When I get it right? It was always my plan. Maybe I get in shape in 6 months. Maybe a year. But whenever I do, it was exactly as I planned it.

Do you get my metaphor?