The OTHER Male Pattern Baldness

If you’re male and you’ve reached the age of 40, half the Emails you get are from Hims or Keeps about thwarting hair loss. Each starts with a survey, asking questions like, “do you want to regrow your hair,” or, “do you want to prevent further hair loss.”  Problem is, it’s all about the head.

Are they not aware of an equally troubling male-pattern baldness? It’s the dress-sock ankle-shin hair loss. It’s real. And it’s just as devastating.

As a child, my cousin S.B. and I thought the funniest thing was his dad’s, and all the uncle’s, hairless shins and ankles. From years of wearing gold-toe dress socks, the nylon had literally shaved their legs bald and, in fact, permanently damaged the hair follicles and they were forever doomed to a life of hairless lower legs.

Oh, did we laugh. And I think I’ve been laughing for decades until this weekend, and don’t ask me why I did this, I snapped a photo of my Nike Air Max 270s to send to my high-school friend to prove, despite my advanced age and 26 years of marriage and 3 kids that …oh, no …I was not about to just surrender to a closet full of Skechers and New Balances. Nope …this photo was going to prove I was still “with it” and “hep.” 

Instead …and I share that photo with you here above…what I gave myself in the form of photo evidence was that I ..had become …my uncle. Legs as harry as a baboon until just below the mid-shin and then …bald. Pale. Terrible.

In my head, and until this photo moment, I assumed if there were male leg-models that I would have as good a chance as any man. But oh no. Not even 1985 Sears or Montgomery Ward would want me modeling flip flops or shorts in their fall catalog.

And so I ask you …no …I ask the hair loss community. Am I not also a victim in need of expensive products that over promise and under-deliver? Shouldn’t my Spam Email also be full of “Reverse the Effects of Dress Sock Hair Loss?” Are we not brothers in the battle against our hairlines (mine being the kind that recedes from the ankle and upward)? What’s next for me? Completely bald shins …and then bald knees …and then bald thighs? Should I just shave it all off?

I Googled “bald lower legs” and “ankle hair loss” and we seem to be a completely ignored group.

So let this Blog entry be a call to arms …er …a call to legs. Legs with hair. The entire leg.

We will beat this. How? Here’s how…

1. Starting immediately, I’m going to wear short socks and no-show socks as much as possible.
2. When I shampoo and condition my head …I will also condition my lower shin
3. I might invent leg-toupee’s

OK. The list and the cure are a work in progress. Today is day-1 in the fight. But the fight has begun. Fight with me.