The Top-10 Songs of All (My) Time, #6: Losing My Religion by R.E.M.

In the ’80s, teenagers were faced with a musical fork-in-the-road. Before the ’80s, it was a Top-40 dominated world and most artists tried to make songs that landed them in the American Top-40. For most people, if a song was on the radio and the artist was at The Grammy’s, that was good enough. Country music couldn’t get onto the top-40 charts (save for Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton, maybe). R&B couldn’t get there (save for Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston types). Album rock and heavy metal couldn’t get onto the Top-40 charts either. Then came MTV and it was all visual. It upset the status quo. Suddenly, if a band made a video, any band, MTV would show it, and genres were born. Bands like Flock of Seagulls, Erasure, Depeche Mode, The Cure, The Smiths (and Morrisey solo), and dozens of other bands previously considered “college rock” were in midwest living rooms and me and my friends, the MTV Generation, were “discovering” bands and music we never would’ve known existed. 

The “musical fork-in-the-road” was the moment most kids felt like they had to choose. Were you a rock and heavy metal kid? Then you can watch and enjoy Headbangers Ball. If you liked rap? I did. So I liked Yo! MTV Raps. And what about the emo kids? They had 120 Minutes (debuted in 1986). Of course it’s silly to think a kid couldn’t enjoy it all, but the way I remember it, ya just couldn’t.

I really, really liked rap. Most of the CDs and cassingles I bought (or shoplifted) were rap or heavy metal. I don’t know if we called it “alternative” at the time, but I did not have any CDs or cassettes from The Cure, Depeche Mode, New Order, XTC, Joy Division, Morrisey, and most of all … R.E.M.  I decided I didn’t like new wave or alternative or whatever it was and most of all, I liked to say I “hated” R.E.M.  My high-school years were 1986-1991. R.E.M.’s Green came out in 1988 and for reasons I can’t explain, I hated “Pop Song 89” and “Orange Crush” and above all, I really, really hated “Stand” and especially the video. 

Note:  Nowadays I love all that new wave stuff of yore …but I still don’t like R.E.M.

As a teen, it was easy to hate stuff. I didn’t even really listen to it (or any of the artists above), but I sure as heck felt confident I hated it all. Easy. Done. Keep on keepin’ on with my heavy metal and rap.

I hated New Kids on the Block, too. Because, yes, when a kid picked his genres, most of us had to disavow other genres …like formulaic top-40 (even though, deep down, I loved and have always loved a catchy, formulaic pop-song). 

So there I was in February of 1991, minding my own business, enjoying my Public Enemy, my Beastie Boys Paul’s Boutique, my N.W.A., Eazy E, Ice Cube’s Amerikkka’s Most Wanted, and anything else that popped up on Yo! MTV Raps and, then, one Saturday afternoon, a guy at the pizza parlor where I worked got there before I did and he was in control of the jam box in the kitchen. He had just bought R.E.M.’s new single released in advance of their next album and was playing it over and over and over. Song ended. He flipped the cassette. It played again. This cassingle had “Losing My Religion” as the A-side and B-side and I knew I was supposed to hate it, but . . . I didn’t. I liked it immediately. 

“This is R.E.M.,” I thought? “But I hate R.E.M.,” I kept thinking. 

This song, however, was not like the R.E.M. songs I hated. It had everything. It was different in sound, style, and structure. And the lyrics immediately hit me and I was thinking, “is this song really what I think it’s about?”

It was amazing to me immediately, and it’s been amazing to me ever since. For the record, it’s the only R.E.M. song I like, still. I actually enjoy some other R.E.M. songs, now, mostly for the nostalgia.

But, “Losing My Religion” is beautiful, brilliant, and painful. “Pain” and sorrow and sadness (I think they call it “the blues” in music) is a common thread of my top-10 songs of all time …even though I consider myself a happy guy. 

Released in February 1991, it was the first single off R.E.M.’s next album, Out of Time, that was set to be released in March. 

“Losing My Religion” has no discernable chorus or hook. So it was anything but formulaic. It has a false ending at about the 3 1/2-minute mark and then comes back for another full minute of pain and agony over things he did and things he didn’t do or say. The song has a mandolin. The song has soaring strings. The song is 4 1/2 minutes of misery and regret and when 17-year-old Don heard that in the kitchen of Village Inn Pizza Parlor in Kentwood, Michigan, he heard a song that felt like it was reading his mind. Don wasn’t having any luck with the ladies (I have a pit in my stomach right now thinking back to how awkward I was and how I absolutely crashed and burned with not one …not two …but three girls during the year 1990).

This was before the internet or anything, but I could tell right away that Michael Stipe was talking about having a crush and doing everything wrong. I bought the album on CD the next month just so I could read the lyrics and could be sure I was hearing all the words, correctly. Here’s what he said in an interview when asked about “Losing My Religion”…

“When you have a crush on somebody, and you think that they understand that but you’re not sure, and you’re dropping all kinds of hints, and you think that they’re responding to these hints but you’re not sure; that’s what this song is about: thinking that you’ve gone too far, you’ve dropped a hint that is just the size of Idaho, and they responded in a way that maybe confused you, or they haven’t responded at all or they responded in a way that seemed like ‘well, maybe I’m gonna- maybe I’m- maybe something’s gonna happen here!’ and I think I’ve probably said this seven thousand times, but the phrase ‘losing my religion’ is a southern phrase which means that something has pushed you so far that you would lose your faith over it. Something has pushed you to the nothing degree, and that’s what this is about. Now, some people still think that it’s a song about religion; it’s not. It’s just a song about having a crush.”

The lyrics tell the story of every dude who ever tried be cool, debonair, witty, and charming and then completely tripped, choked, and looked crazy instead of romantic. It’s the stuff that happens that make people skip their 5, 10, and 20 year class reunions. Trust me.  Lyrics like…

Oh no I’ve said too much
I haven’t said enough

Try, cry, fly, try
That was just a dream
Just a dream
Just a dream, dream

Life is about living and learning. Learning often comes from failing. Without mistakes, we can’t get better. Not every crush turns into true love and we need some crushes to crush us to get better when true love finally shows up.

I never liked R.E.M. before this song and didn’t like anything after, but “Losing My Religion” is so good, it’s my #6 song of all time.