DAD STUFF, PART 3: WORD PLAY AND REMEDIES FOR QUARANTINE BOREDOM

This is an irresponsible Blog post with only about 45% accurate information. Nonetheless, I’ll touch on three things…

  1. New words and phrases born of the global pandemic
  2. All remedies and prevention methods I’ve seen (and am employing)
  3. Creative things to do during quarantine
New Words and Wordplay

As I write this (March 20th, 2020), we’re about 8-days into the quarantine work-from-home era. Actually, it’s day-6 (in Michigan). I say this because last Friday I spent the entire day in the office, and so did all my co-workers. On Sunday night (March 15th), I decided I should stay home “for a day or two” and my amazing bosses agreed, and by Monday evening, my company ordered everyone to stay home if they had any “non-essential” roles that could only be done in the building.

Point being …not even a week ago, I didn’t have some of these words and phrases in my vocabulary and I’d never thought of how to survive a pandemic. Now? I’m an expert and the following, exhaustive lists come from posting a few things on Facebook and collecting all the comments as pure fact. Print this out and put it on your fridge.

  • Self-Quarantine – a person’s decision to isolate themselves because they’ve been sick, around someone who traveled, traveled themselves, or have compromised health
  • Social Distancing – keeping away from people
  • Shelter-In-Place – I guess it means “stay inside”, which is kinda what Michiganders do throughout February every year

The next phenomenon, and I’m amused by it, is wordplay around “quarantine” and I wonder how many of these will be in Webster’s Dictionary by the end of 2020?

  • QuaranTUNES – songs with a theme of illness or isolation (think “Toxic” by Britney Spears, “One” by Metallica, or the anthem “All By Myself”
  • QuaranTEENS – teenagers dealing with social isolation, no school, no sports, and for seniors dealing with no prom or commencement
  • QuaranTIME – the phenomenon of time going sooooooo slow while staying at home as much as possible
  • QuaranTINI – a vodka martini you drink alone in your house
  • QuaranTEARS – the tears you cry when you find yourself very, very sad about the situation
  • QuarantTV – the shifting of viewing habits and shows that are finding huge audiences while everyone has lots and lots of extra time to watch new shows
  • Quarantinians – the generation that will be born 9 months from now
  • Quarantantrum – my wife and I, and my kids with each other, and me and my teen daughter, and my wife and our teen daughter, and me and my dog, and me and my wife …did I already list that one …multiple times each day because there IS NO ESCAPE and the house is suddenly very, very small
  • Quarantine (long i) – the person you choose to be with when we go on mandatory lockdown. eg: “Won’t you be my Quarantine?”
  • Quarantinos – all moodily violent films that have outbreak plot lines made over the next 8 weeks

Prevention Tips from Old Wives

My favorite remedies and health-tips are always those that come via “old wives”. If you’re young and aren’t familiar with an “old-wives tale”, it’s…

Old wives’ tale – Description   
An old wives’ tale is a supposed truth which is actually spurious or a superstition. It can be said sometimes to be a type of urban legend, said to be passed down by older women to a younger generation. Such tales are considered superstition, folklore or unverified claims with exaggerated and/or inaccurate details.
In normal life, these are things like chicken noodle soup cures the common cold. Or how you “feed a fever, starve a cold.”
For Coronavirus, I’m employing all of the following
  • Wash hands for 20-seconds, and do it every 30-minutes
  • Drink water every 20-minutes (it washed the virus out of the throat)
  • Don’t touch mouth, nose, eyes, or ears – the only way for the virus to get in your body is through an orrifice
  • Drink alcohol (vodka works best) – similar idea as drinking water …this thing all incubates in your throat.
  • Gargle (saltwater or Listerine)
  • Isolate and Shelter-in-Place
Fun Things to do During Quarantine (this list is going to be evolving)
  • Game night with other families using Houseparty App (but there are other apps)
  • Prank calls (kids-these-days don’t know what a prank call is)
  • Card games (almost nobody plays cards anymore)
  • Charades (another game nearly lost to time)
  • Movies, movies, movies (I know, everyone is already doing this …but try some classics)
  • Bake cookies
  • Try new recipes
What am I missing? Leave comments with more stuff.

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